Ladies and GentlemenCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
Ladies and Gentlemen
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Fiction; Short stories, American
"Oh, Ephie!" Mrs. Golightly was calling him by an old pet name--a
beloved, homely name he had not heard her speak for years--and over
the singing wire her voice came to him flutingly, yes, actually with
affectionate flutings and thrills in it. "Oh, Ephie, you'll never
guess what has happened! Oh, Ephie, Mrs. Pewter-Walsberg just called
up! You know what she stands for in society? You know how I've worked
and schemed to get in with her crowd and how I've subscribed for
her pet charities and offered to serve on her tiresome committees
and all? Well, she just called up. She's going to let her daughter,
Millicent, be on the receiving line for Harriet's début. She's going
to see that Evelyn gets into the Junior League right away. Her word is
just law there. And she's invited you and me to dine with them next
Thursday--one of those small intimate dinners that she's so famous for.
Isn't it wonderful? And it's all due to you, dear, and I'm so grateful
and the girls are both so grateful that I just had to ring you up to
tell you."
"Humphphe-e-e!" Mr. Golightly got his breath back, as a diver emerging
from an ice-water bath might. "Did you say grateful?"
"Of course, you dear old stupid! It seems--listen to this, Ephie--it
seems that Mr. Pewter-Walsberg saw a copy of that adorable magazine
on the news-stand this morning and saw your name on the cover and
bought it out of curiosity and he read what it said about you and he
was so delighted with it that he didn't wait until tonight to show it
to her--Mrs. Pewter-Walsberg, I mean. He came right on uptown with
it and read it to her. And she says--they both say, in fact--it took
a great strong silent resolute man like you to see that the trend of
the day is for democracy; and that it's high time the lower orders who
aren't in society should know that there are no barriers to keep out
those who rise by their own efforts from humble beginnings, but just
the other way around; and that when ordinary people find out how far
you've climbed--your position in business and our position in society
and all--it's calculated to make them more satisfied with their lot
and keep down anarchy and socialism and all such dreadful things. And
she says Mr. Pewter-Walsberg will take it as a very great favor if you
can arrange for these clever magazine people to interview him next--it
seems they started forty years ago without a cent out in Illinois or
some such outlandish place. Think of it, dear--a man like Herbert
Pewter-Walsberg, with a hundred and fifty millions behind him--asking
for a favor from you! Isn't it just too wonderful?... Hold the wire,
Ephie, the girls are here waiting to congratulate you on being so smart
in their behalf and to beg your pardon, as I do, for being so sort of
excited as we all three were last night. But they didn't understand
then, and neither did I. But now we do, and we do so appreciate it
all--you splendid brilliant shrewd old darling, you! Ephie dearest,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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