“Well, I don’t know. It’s too easy for sick or worthless people to
survive nowadays. They are clotting up our square miles very fast.
Philanthropists don’t seem to remember that you can beget children a
great deal faster than you can educate them; and at this rate I believe
universal suffrage will kill us off before our time.”
“Do not believe it! We are going to find out that universal suffrage is
like the appendix--useful at an early stage of the race’s evolution but
to-day merely a threat to life.”
He thought this over. “But a surgical operation is pretty serious, you
know.”
“It’ll be done by absorption. Why, you’ve begun it yourselves, and so
has Massachusetts. The appendix will be removed, black and white--and
I shouldn’t much fear surgery. We’re not nearly civilized enough yet to
have lost the power Of recuperation, and in spite of our express-train
speed, I doubt if we shall travel from crudity to rottenness without a
pause at maturity.”
“That is the old, old story,” he said.
“Yes; is there anything new under the sun?”
He was gloomy. “Nothing, I suppose.” Then the gloom lightened. “Nothing
new under the sun--except the fashionable families of Newport!”
This again brought us from the clouds of speculation down to Worship
Street, where we were walking toward South Place. It also unexpectedly
furnished me with the means to lead back our talk so gently, without
a jolt or a jerk, to my moral and the delicate topic of matrimony from
which he had dodged away, that he never awoke to what was coming until
it had come. He began pointing out, as we passed them, certain houses
which were now, or had at some period been, the dwellings of his many
relatives: “My cousin Julia So-and-so lives there,” he would say; or,
“My great-uncle, known as Regent Tom, owned that before the War”; and
once, “The Rev. Joseph Priedieu, my great-grandfather, built that house
to marry his fifth wife in, but the grave claimed him first.”
So I asked him a riddle. “What is the difference between Kings Port and
Newport?”
This he, of course, gave up.
“Here you are all connected by marriage, and there they are all
connected by divorce.”
“That’s true!” he cried, “that’s very true. I met the most
embarrassingly cater-cornered families.”
“Oh, they weren’t embarrassed!” I interjected.
“No, but I was,” said John.
“And you told me you weren’t innocent!” I exclaimed. “They are going
to institute a divorce march,” I continued. “‘Lohengrin’ or
‘Midsummer-Night’s Dream’ played backward. They have not settled which
it is to be taught in the nursery with the other kindergarten melodies.”
He was still unsuspectingly diverted; and we walked along until we
turned in the direction of my boarding-house.
“Did you ever notice,” I now said, “what a perpetual allegory
‘Midsummer-Night’s Dream’ contains?”
“I thought it was just a fairy sort of thing.”
“Yes, but when a great poet sets his hand to a fairy sort of thing, you
get--well, you get poor Titania.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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