"And _space_!" concluded Mary for her. "You have never known what it
was to live in a small house where you can never get more than a few
yards away from other people, never get out of the sound of their
voices, never have a place which you can call your own, except a cold
bedroom. No place where you can _cry_ without bringing rappings at the
door... That's why I want to go away. I want my money to bring me
Space. I want to feel alone, with space to do as I like, without
thinking of anyone but myself, or even having anyone to check me if I am
foolish, and reckless, and mad. I expect I shall be reckless. It's a
relief sometimes to be able to be reckless, Lady Cassandra!"
"Oh, Mary Mallison, it _is_!" cried Cassandra. She slipped her hand
through the other's arm, and said warmly, "I won't send you any
addresses, I won't give you any advice. Go away and be as reckless as
you can! And when you come back, come and tell me about it, and I'll
rejoice, and not point a single moral. It's in my heart to be reckless
too."
"Thank you," said Mary, and there was a note of real gratitude in her
voice. Lady Cassandra was the last person from whom she would have
expected understanding, but she did understand, and had even confessed
to a fellow-feeling. Mary was sufficiently under her mother's influence
to feel that sympathy from the Squire's wife was doubly valuable, yet
she was vaguely disquieted, for what was her new-found money going to
procure for her, that was not already in Cassandra's possession? If
material pleasures palled, would the mere fact of liberty be sufficient
to fill her heart? Was liberty in her case but another term for
loneliness? Mary was silent, feeling as usual that she had nothing to
say.
With arms still linked the two women turned a corner of the path, and
found themselves confronted by the Squire and his companions, who were
approaching from the farther side; but now there was a fourth member of
the party, for Dane Peignton walked beside his _fiancee_, smiling down
into her upturned face, and for the moment unobservant of the
new-comers, who were still some distance away. Cassandra's hand jerked
on Mary's arm, she was conscious of a rise of colour, and to cover it
said quickly:
"Captain Peignton has deigned to appear at last. I asked him to lunch.
Teresa should scold him... but I suppose they meet constantly. Are they
to be married quite soon?"
She was glad of an opportunity of putting a question which she longed to
have answered, but had shirked putting into words, but Mary's answer was
not illuminative.
"I hope not."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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