"I'd better go. It is evidently not the slightest use talking to you
to-night. I think you have been very unsisterly and disagreeable. I
wish I had never come in. I was so happy, and you have done nothing but
throw cold water. Are you jealous, Mary, that you are so unkind?"
Mary gave her back look for look. A dull flush showed itself on her
cheek-bones.
"Would it be such a wonderful thing if I were? I _am_ jealous; of
course I am jealous. I have every reason to be jealous. You get
everything, Teresa; and I get nothing. It has always been like that,
and it always will be. You are strong, and I am weak; you are pretty,
and I am plain; you are popular, and I am dull. You are masterful, and
get your own way, and I am cowardly, and am beaten; but because one is
dull, and cowardly, and plain, it doesn't follow that one can't feel--it
doesn't follow that one can't _ache_! I have ached for this all my
life, and it has come to you. No one ever cared for me, but I should
have made a good wife. I should have loved him more than you will ever
love. You have wasted so much love on yourself, but I had it all to
give. I loved a man once, as you love Captain Peignton, but he never
thought of me. He married a girl with a pretty face, and lived close to
us for nearly two years. Mother used to invite them here, and send me
with messages to the house. I could not look out of the window without
seeing them together, walking down the street, sitting in the garden.
My bedroom window overlooked their summer-house. I used to see him come
in and kiss her."
Teresa shuddered.
"I should have gone mad! Poor old Mary! But why did you stand it? I
should have gone away, and done something."
"What?" Mary asked, and Teresa was silent. Mary had a way of asking
questions which were impossible to answer. What _could_ Mary do? She
was one of the vast army of middle-class daughters brought up to do
nothing, and thereby as hopelessly imprisoned as any slave of old. She
possessed no natural gifts nor accomplishments, she lacked the training
which would have ensured excellence in any one department of domestic
work, she was devoid of a personality which would make her mere
companionship of marketable value. What could Mary do, and who would
care to engage Mary to do it? Teresa was silent, finding no reply. She
stood hesitating by the bedside, sympathetic but impatient. She was
sorry; of course she was sorry, but to-night she wanted to be glad. It
would have been better to have gone straight to her room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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