England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Love stories; Oxford (England) -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Sorell glanced in bitterness at the maimed hand lying on the bed. It
was still bandaged, but he knew very well what sort of a shapeless,
ruined thing it would emerge, when the bandages were thrown aside. It
was strange and fascinating—to a student of psychology—that Otto should
have been brought, so suddenly, so unforeseeably, into this pathetic
and intimate relation with the man to whom, essentially, he owed his
disaster. But what difference did it make in the quality of the Marmion
outrage, or to any sane judgment of Douglas Falloden?
“Go to sleep, old boy,” he said at last. “You’ll have a hard time
to-morrow.”
“What, the inquest? Oh, I don’t mind about that. If I could only
understand that fellow!”
He threw his head back, staring at the ceiling.
Otto Radowitz, in spite of Sorell’s admonitions, slept very little that
night. His nights were apt to be feverish and disturbed. But on this
occasion imagination and excitement made it impossible to stop the
brain process, the ceaseless round of thought; and the hours of
darkness were intolerably long. Memory went back behind the meeting
with the dying man on the hillside, to an earlier experience—an hour of
madness, of “possession.” His whole spiritual being was still bruised
and martyred from it, like that sufferer of old whom the evil spirit
“tore” in departing. What had delivered him? The horror was still on
him, still his master, when he became aware of that white face on the
grass—
He drowsed off again. But in his half-dream, he seemed to be kneeling
again and reciting Latin words, words he had heard last when his mother
was approaching her end. He was more than half sceptical, so far as the
upper mind was concerned; but the under-consciousness was steeped in
ideas derived from his early home and training, ideas of sacrifice,
forgiveness, atonement, judgment—the common and immortal stock of
Christianity. He had been brought up in a house pervaded by the
crucifix, and by a mother who was ardently devout.
But why had God—if there was a God—brought this wonderful thing to
pass? Never had his heart been so full of hatred as in that hour of
lonely wandering on the moor, before he perceived the huddled figure
lying by the stream. And, all in a moment, he had become his enemy’s
proxy—his representative—in the last and tenderest service that man can
render to man. He had played the part of son to Falloden’s dying
father—had prayed for him from the depths of his heart, tortured with
pity. And when Falloden came, with what strange eyes they had looked at
each other!—as though all veils had dropped—all barriers had, for the
moment, dropped away.
“Shall I hate him again to-morrow?” thought Radowitz. “Or shall I be
more sorry for him than for myself? Yes, that’s what I felt!—so
marvellously!”
So that when he went to Constance with his news, and under the emotion
of it, saw the girl’s heart unveiled—“I was not jealous,” he thought.
“I just wanted to give her everything!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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