England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Love stories; Oxford (England) -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Falloden ran through the streets, choosing the by-ways rather than the
thoroughfares. The air was frosty, the December sky clear and starlit,
above the blue or purple haze, pierced with lights, that filled the
lower air; through which the college fronts, the distant spires and
domes showed vaguely—as beautiful “suggestions”—“notes”—from which all
detail had disappeared. He was soon on Folly Bridge, and hurrying up
the hill he pushed straight on over the brow to the Berkshire side,
leaving the cottage to his right. Fold after fold of dim wooded country
fell away to the south of the ridge; bare branching trees were all
about him; a patch of open common in front where bushes of
winter-blossoming gorse defied the dusk. It was the English winter at
its loveliest—still, patient, expectant—rich in beauties of its own
that summer knows nothing of. But Falloden was blind to it. His pulses
were full of riot. She had been so near to him—and yet so far away—so
sweet, yet so defensive. His whole nature cried out fiercely for her.
“I want her!—_I want her!_ And I believe she wants me. She’s not afraid
of me now—she turns to me. What keeps us apart? Nothing that ought to
weigh for a moment against our double happiness!”
He turned and walked stormily homewards. Then as he saw the roof and
white walls of the cottage through the trees his mood wavered—and fell.
There was a life there which he had injured—a life that now depended on
him. He knew that, more intimately than Connie knew it, often as he had
denied it to her. And he was more convinced than Otto himself—though
never by word or manner had he ever admitted it for a moment—that the
boy was doomed—not immediately, but after one of those pitiful
struggles which have their lulls and pauses, but tend all the same
inevitably to one end.
“And as long as he lives, I shall look after him,” he thought, feeling
that strange compulsion on him again, and yielding to it with mingled
eagerness and despair.
For how could he saddle Connie’s life with such a charge—or darken it
with such a tragedy?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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