And then, wrestling with these smarts, these impulses, belonging to the
natural, physical life, the powers of the moral being--compassion,
self-mastery, generosity; while strengthening and directing all, the man
of faith was poignantly aware of the austere and tender voices
of religion.
Amid this play of influences he read the letter, still kneeling beside
her and holding her fingers clasped in his. She had closed her eyes and
lay still, save for the occasional tremulous movement of her free hand,
which dried the tears on her cheek.
"Thank you," he said, at last, with a voice that wavered, as he put the
letter down. "Thank you. It was good of you to let me see it. It changes
all my thoughts of him henceforward. If he had lived--"
"But he's dead! He's dead!" cried Julie, in a sudden agony, wrenching
her hand from his and burying her face in the pillow. "Just when he
wanted to live. Oh, my God--my God! No, there's no God--nothing that
cares--that takes any notice!"
She was shaken by deep, convulsive weeping. Delafield soothed her as
best he could. And presently she stretched out her hand with a quick,
piteous gesture, and touched his face.
"You, too! What have I done to you? How you looked, just now! I bring a
curse. Why did you want to marry me? I can't tear this out of my
heart--I can't!"
And again she hid herself from him. Delafield bent over her.
"Do you imagine that I should be poor-souled enough to ask you?"
Suddenly a wild feeling of revolt ran through Julie's mind. The
loftiness of his mood chilled her. An attitude more weakly, passionately
human, a more selfish pity for himself would, in truth, have served him
better. Had the pain of the living man escaped his control, avenging
itself on the supremacy that death had now given to the lover, Delafield
might have found another Julie in his arms. As it was, her husband
seemed to her perhaps less than man, in being more; she admired
unwillingly, and her stormy heart withdrew itself.
And when at last she controlled her weeping, and it became evident to
him that she wished once more to be alone, his sensitiveness perfectly
divined the secret reaction in her. He rose from his place beside her
with a deep, involuntary sigh. She heard it, but only to shrink away.
"You will sleep a little?" he said, looking down upon her.
"I will try, _mon ami_."
"If you don't sleep, and would like me to read to you, call me. I am in
the next room."
She thanked him faintly, and he went away. At the door he paused and
came back again.
"To-night"--he hesitated--"while the doctors were here, I ran down to
Montreux by the short path and telegraphed. The consul at Zanzibar is an
old friend of mine. I asked him for more particulars at once, by wire.
But the letters can't be here for a fortnight."
"I know. You're very, very good."
* * * * *
Hour after hour Delafield sat motionless in his room, till "high in the
Valais depths profound" he "saw the morning break."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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