England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Villages -- Fiction
‘Your loneliness! You would not be long lonely. You would find plenty to
cheer you; whereas I am in a different position. Nay: come back with me.
You have seen exactly how things are. If you want to be charitable,
nothing is more easy. James Plowden, or if you prefer it, his sister,’
she paused, with a harsh laugh, ‘will do everything you want in that
way. Come back to the life we know; come back to the surroundings you
are accustomed to. You--you can’t, any more than I, be happy here. Where
are your _courses_, your clubs, your theatres? There is nothing,
nothing to amuse you. Leo, you know you would be more amused, you would
be more happy, as well as I.’
‘But this,’ he said, ‘is my proper sphere.’
‘_Grand seigneur_ again,’ she cried, with a laugh; ‘who takes up that
view now? Your great-grandfather bought this estate; it is then four
generations in the family. And you think that feudal! Ah! be kind to the
_canaille_ if you will; they will cheat you and hate you, but never
mind. Leo, if you keep me here, and I am tempted beyond my powers, and
do harm--harm, do you hear?--murder even--the guilt will not be on me,
but you!’
‘Mother, do you think there is any use in scaring yourself by such big
words? Murder! Whom will you kill, for example? You who faint if you
prick yourself and the blood runs! I am not afraid of you.’
‘There are more ways of murder than one. I will take no life.’
‘No, I don’t suppose so,’ he said, with a laugh; ‘but if you think you
will die of _ennui_, which, I allow, is a danger, my dear mother, your
_appartement_ is still open. I will make every arrangement. Pardon me if
I feel it is my duty to live in my own house; but why should that affect
you?’
‘If I said, Leo, that I could not live without you, that you are my only
child----’
‘Mother,’ he said, ‘we both understand perfectly what that means. When I
was a child you were very fond of me. I was part of your _ensemble_. You
gave me everything I wanted. Now, it is not your fault nor mine that I
am a man of thirty-five, not even in my first youth. If I am ever to be
good for anything, I have no time to lose; but you have arrived at an
age----’
‘Ah!’ she said, ‘I have arrived at an age when I am no longer good for
anything, neither the pleasures nor the duties. It is fit that it should
be you who say that to me.’
‘I say that you have arrived at an age when everything should be made
easy to you, and pleasant, mother; and that you should live, without
consideration of others, as suits you best.’
‘And you?’ she said with a smile; ‘as suits you best? Is not that what
you mean?’
‘It was not what I meant; but perhaps it is true,’ he said.
Then there was a silence, during which Leo stood by the high
mantelpiece, leaning upon it, looking down upon the bright blaze of the
fire, yet furtively watching his mother’s face.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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