Laicus; Or, the Experiences of a Layman in a Country Parish.Abbott, Lyman
Religion
Laicus; Or, the Experiences of a Layman in a Country Parish.
Abbott, Lyman
Christian fiction; New York (State) -- Fiction; Parishes -- Fiction
"The word must be spoken in season and out of season," said Mr.
Hardcap doggedly. Nevertheless he turned to leave. He offered his
hand to Mr. Gear, who was leaning with his head upon his hand
against the mantel-piece, and possibly did not notice the proffered
salutation. At all events he never moved. Mr. Hardcap looked at him
a moment, opened his mouth as if to speak, but apparently
reconsidered his purpose, for he closed it again without speaking,
and so left the room. Mrs. Gear went with him to the door, where I
heard her ask him to pray for her and for her husband, and where I
heard him answer something about a sin unto death that could not be
prayed for. Jennie followed Mrs. Gear softly out; and so Mr. Gear
and I were left alone.
Alone with the dead.
"That's your Christian consolation," said Mr. Gear bitterly.
"Is that just to your wife?" I answered him quietly.
"No! It is not just to my wife," he replied. "I would give all I
possess to have her faith. She is almost heart-broken,--and yet-yet-I
who ought to sustain her would be crazed with grief if I had not her
to lean upon. And she-she leans on I know not what. Oh! if I did but
know."
"She leans on Him who not in vain Experienced every human pain," I
answered softly.
"He was such a noble boy," continued Mr. Gear speaking half to
himself, and half to me. "He was so pure, so truthful, so
chivalrous, so considerate of his mother's happiness and of mine.
And he was beginning to teach me, teach me that I did not know all.
I was afraid of my own philosophy for him. I wanted him to have his
mother's faith, though I never told him so. I never perplexed him
with my own doubtings. I solved what I could of his, I was coming to
believe little by little that there was a clearer, better light than
that I walked in. I was hoping that he might find it and walk in it.
I even dreamed, sometimes, to myself, that he would yet learn how to
show it to me. And now he is gone, and the glimmer of light is gone,
and the last hope for me is gone with him."
"He is gone," I said softly, "to walk in that clearer, better light,
and beckons you to follow."
Mr. Gear made no answer, hardly seemed to note the interruption.
"And this is the bitterness of the blow to me," he continued, still
speaking half to me, half to himself. "I thought I believed in
immortality. I thought I believed in God. These two beliefs at least
were left me. And now nothing is left. My wife says 'he is not dead
but sleepeth.' But I cannot see it. To me he is gone, for ever gone.
If on the other side of that veil which hides him from me, that
mystic something which we call his spirit still lingers, I do not
see it. I had a dream of that better land once and called it faith.
But this cruel blow has wakened me, and the dream has passed in the
very hour when I need it most. And nothing is left me; not even that
poor vision."
"Not even God?" said I softly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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