"A journalist, or poet, or some miserable canaille of that sort. He will
soon be out of your way." Our guard craned over to look at him.
"_Oui_--da! He is a dying man! A priest must be sent to him soon. I
remember he demanded one several days ago."
But that day and another dragged through before the priest appeared. I
sent out my waistcoat, and got a wretched meal, and a few spoonfuls of
wine that I used to moisten the dying man's lips. His life may or may
not have been prolonged; but out of collapse he opened his mouth
repeatedly and took the drops. He was more my blessing than I was his.
For I had an experience which has ever since given me to know the souls
of prisoners.
The first day, in spite of the cell's foulness, I laughed secretly at
jailers and felt at peace, holding the world at bay. I did not then know
that Ste. Pelagie was the tomb of the accused, where more than one
prisoner dragged out years without learning why he was put there. I was
not brought to any trial or examination.
But gradually an uneasiness which cannot be imagined by one who has not
felt it, grew upon me. I wanted light. The absence of it was torture!
Light--to vivify the stifling air, which died as this man was dying--as
I should die--in blinding mirk!
Moisture broke out all over my body, and cold dew stood on my forehead.
How could human lungs breathe the midnight of blackening walls? The
place was hot with the hell of confinement. I said over and over--"O
God, Thou art Light!--in Thee is no darkness at all!"
This anguish seemed a repetition of something I had endured once before.
The body and spirit remembered, though the mind had no register. I
clawed at the walls. If I slept, it was to wake gasping, fighting upward
with both hands.
The most singular phase was that I reproached myself for not soaking up
more sun in the past. Oh, how much light was going to waste over wide
fields and sparkling seas! The green woods, the green grass--they had
their fill of sun, while we two perished!
I remembered creeping out of glare under the shadow of rocks, and
wondered how I could have done it! If I ever came to the sun again I
would stretch myself and roll from side to side, to let it burn me well!
How blessed was the tan we got in summer from steeping in light!
Looking at my cell-mate I could have rent the walls.
"We are robbed," I told his deaf ears. "The light, poured freely all
over the city, the light that belongs to you and me as much as to
anybody, would save you! I wish I could pick you up and carry you out
where the sun would shine through your bones! But let us be glad, you
and I, that there is a woman who is not buried like a whitening sprout
under this weight of stone! She is free, to walk around and take the
light in her gray eyes and the wind in her brown hair. I swear to God if
I ever come out of this I will never pass so much as a little plant
prostrate in darkness, without helping it to the light."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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