Lectures of Col. R. G. Ingersoll, Volume I: Including His Answers to the Clergy, His Oration at His Brother's Grave, Etc., Etc.Ingersoll, Robert Green
Religion
Lectures of Col. R. G. Ingersoll, Volume I: Including His Answers to the Clergy, His Oration at His Brother's Grave, Etc., Etc.
Ingersoll, Robert Green
Free thought
"Well, did you believe that rib story?" "What rib story--Do you mean
that Adam and Eve business? No, I did not. To tell you the God's
truth, that was a little more than I could swallow." "To hell with
him. Next. Where are you from?" "I'm from the world, too. Do you
belong to any church?" "Yes, sir, and to the Young Men's Christian
Association." "What is your business?" "Cashier in a bank." "Did you
ever run off with any money? I don't like to tell, Sir." "Well, you
have to." "Yes, Sir I did." "What kind of a bank did you have?" "A
savings bank." "How much did you run off with?" "One hundred thousand
dollars." "Did you take anything else along with you?" "Yes Sir."
"What?" "I took my neighbor's wife." "Did you have a wife and
children of your own?" "Yes, Sir." "And you deserted them?" "Oh, yes;
but such was my confidence in God that I believed he would take care of
them." "Have you heard of them since?" "No, Sir. Did you believe that
rib story?" "Ah, bless your soul, yes! I believe all of it, Sir; I
often used to be sorry that there were not harder stories yet in the
Bible, so that I could show what my faith could do." "You believed it,
did you?" "Yes, with all my heart." "Give him a harp."
I simply wanted to show you how important it is to believe these
stories. Of all the authors in the world God hates a critic the worst.
Having got this woman done he brought her to the man, and they started
house-keeping, and a few minutes afterward a snake came through a crack
in the fence and commenced to talk with her on the subject of fruit.
She was not acquainted in the neighborhood, and she did not know
whether snakes talked or not, or whether they knew anything about the
apples or not. Well, she was misled, and the husband ate some of those
apples and laid it all on his wife; and there is where the mistake was
made. God ought to have rubbed him out at once. He might have known
that no good could come of starting the world with a man like that.
They were turned out. Then the trouble commenced, and people got worse
and worse. God, you must recollect, was holding the reins of
government, but He did nothing for them. He allowed them to live six
hundred and sixty-nine years without knowing their A. B. C. He never
started a school, not even a Sunday school. He didn't even keep His
own boys at home. And the world got worse every day, and finally he
concluded to drown them. Yet that same God has the impudence to tell me
how to raise my own children. What would you think of a neighbor, who
had just killed his babes giving you his views on domestic economy?
God found that he could do nothing with them and He said: "I will drown
them all except a few." And he picked out a fellow by the name of Noah,
that had been a bachelor for five hundred years. If I had to drown
anybody, I would have drowned him. I believe that Noah had then been
married something like one hundred years. God told him to build a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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