Death -- Fiction; Friendship -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women novelists -- Fiction
He did not look up, but he moved a little to give me room. I sat down
beside him. We were shut away between the wall and the window, in the
shadow, out of sight of the others. It was very peaceful. Now and then I
looked at Kent, but he was staring before him. He had forgotten all
about me again, I knew. But I was content. It made me happy to be
sitting by him. My thoughts hopped about like birds after crumbs. I
remember wondering what I should do on the morrow—where I should go?
That Anita would have me in the house another twenty-four hours was not
likely. I had ten pounds. I did not care. I knew that I ought to be
anxious, but I could not realize the need. I could not think of anything
but him; yet I was afraid to speak to him. He sat so still. His face was
set in schooled and heavy lines. There came a stir and a clash of voices
from the other room, but he did not seem to hear it. It was only the end
of a poem. In a little it had settled down again into the same
monotonous hum, but for a moment I had thought that it was the break-up,
and after that I had no peace. It had scared me. It made me realize that
I had only a few minutes—half an hour at most—and that then he would be
going away—and when should I see him again? Never—maybe never! He had
his life all arranged. He didn’t even know my name. I felt desperate. I
couldn’t let him go. I didn’t know what to do. I only knew that—that I
couldn’t bear it if he went away from me.
It was then that he moved and straightened himself in his chair with a
sigh, that heavy, long-drawn sigh that men give when they make an end.
‘Work or play, joy or grief, it’s done with. And now——?’ Such a sigh as
you never hear from women. But then we are not wise at ending things.
I thought that he was getting up, that he was going then and there, and
instinctively I hurried into speech, daring anything—everything—his own
thoughts of me—rather than let him go.
“Yes—that’s over!” I translated softly.
He turned with such a stare that I could have smiled.
“I meant that. How did you know?”
“Why shouldn’t I know?” I did smile then. It made him smile back at me,
but doubtfully, unwillingly.
“Can you read thoughts—too?” The last word seemed to come out in spite
of himself.
“Not always. Yours I can.” My face was burning. But I could have spared
myself the shame that made it burn, for he did not understand. My voice
said nothing to him. My face showed him nothing. He was thinking about
himself. But he leant forward in that way he has—a dear way—of liking to
talk to you.
“Can you? I never can. Only when I paint. I can put them into paint, of
course. But not words. _She_ said——” and all through the subsequent talk
he avoided the name—“she said it was laziness, a lazy mind. But I always
told her that that was her fault. I—we—her people—were just wool: she
knitted us into our patterns. She was a wonder. You know, she—she was
good for one. She was like bread—bread and wine——” His voice strained
and flagged.
I nodded.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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