Courtship -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Widows -- Fiction
"There is nothing to forgive. Take care. You nearly fell, Leo. Try to
look where you are going in this dim light." The accents of forced
composure fell like cold lead upon her heart. She had touched him for a
moment, and a nerve had vibrated to her touch--but he was slipping from
her again. He continued:--
"Since your penetration has discovered----"
"Say since I found out the truth, Paul."
"That, if you will." He bent his head. "I cannot, I dare not deny it. It
_is_ the truth, God help me--God help us both."
"You and me?" she whispered, faintly.
"Maud and me. I have done her a great wrong, but it shall be the aim of
my life to repair it. She shall find me a true and faithful husband----"
"You won't--you can't marry her?"
"What?" said Paul, stopping short.
"You do not love her."
"I loved her once--I shall learn to love her again."
"You will be wretched, miserable--and so will she, now that you know the
truth. I would have spared you. I meant to give my life to spare
you--oh, Paul, you know I did," she wept passionately--"but now, now
when you yourself would not let me do it----"
"Leo?"
She wept on.
"Try to hear me. Try to understand me. Leo, there is a greater thing
than Love."
"No, no, there is not--there is not."
"There is." He drew a breath, a long, deep breath. "There is Honour."
She was silent. The tears hung on her cheeks.
"I have lost all besides," said he, simply, "but I have kept that, and
will keep it." He paused, and continued: "If Maud were different, other
things might also be different, but you know your sister; to break faith
with her would be--she could not endure it. I have taught her to believe
that I am wholly hers, and she has never seen nor guessed that--that a
change has come. And however acutely Maud would feel that, if she
knew--which, so help me God, she never shall--she would be infinitely
more distressed, more humiliated--her pride--her self-respect--no, it is
not to be thought of." He was now walking on alone, and so fast that she
could scarcely keep pace with him. She could catch only broken
utterances--some perhaps not meant for her. It appeared as though he had
forgotten her presence.
"Love? Honour?
"Love lost, much lost.
Honour lost, all lost."
Honour is not lost--not yet. Happiness? That's nothing. Life is short,
and there's another life to look to. A coward turns his back on the
fight. A deserter falls out of the ranks. The strong should hold up the
weak"--suddenly he looked round for her--"Leo?"
Leo meekly raised her eyes, overmastered, dumb. It was the hardest
moment of Paul's life. One look, one word between them, and she would
have been dragged down into the whirlpool from which it was his part to
save her. A great convulsion shook his frame, and he set his teeth and
swore, then drew her gently to his side.
"My little sister must forget all this. It is a bad dream and it is over
and past. She must promise me----"
"What--Paul?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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