"My friends," Tholomyès shouted with the accent of a man who is
recapturing his empire, "recover yourselves: too great stupor should
not greet this pun which has fallen from the clouds, for everything
that falls in such a manner is not necessarily worthy of enthusiasm
and respect. Far be from me to insult puns: I honor them according to
their deserts, and no more. All the most august, sublime, and charming
in humanity and perhaps beyond humanity have played upon words. Christ
made a pun on Saint Peter, Moses on Isaac, Æschylus on Polynices, and
Cleopatra on Octavius. And note the fact that Cleopatra's pun preceded
the battle of Actium, and that, were it not for that pun, no one would
know the town of Toryne, a Greek word signifying a potladle. This
granted, I return to my exhortation. Brethren, I repeat, no zeal, no
row, no excess, even in witticisms, gayeties, merriments, and playing
upon words. Listen to me, for I possess the prudence of Amphiaralis
and the baldness of Cæsar; there should be a limit even to the rebus.
_Est modus in rebus_. There should be a limit even to dinners; you
are fond of apple-puffs, ladies, but no abuse; even in the matter
of apple-puffs, good sense and art are needed. Gluttony chastises
the glutton. _Gula punit gulax_. Indigestion was sent into the world
to read a lecture to our stomachs; and, bear this in mind, each of
our passions, even love, has a stomach which must not be filled too
full. In all things, we must write betimes the word _finis_, we must
restrain ourselves when it becomes urgent, put a bolt on our appetites,
lock up our fancy, and place ourselves under arrest. The wise man is
he who knows how, at a given moment, to arrest himself. Place some
confidence in me: it does not follow because I know a little law, as my
examinations prove; because I have supported a thesis in Latin as to
the mode in which torture was applied at Rome at the time when Munatius
Demens was _quæstor parricidæ_; and because I am going to be a Doctor
at Law, as it seems,--it does not necessarily follow, I say, that I am
an ass. I recommend to you moderation in your desires. As truly as my
name is Félix Tholomyès, I am speaking the truth. Happy the man who,
when the hour has struck, forms an heroic resolve, and abdicates like
Sylla or Origen."
Favourite was listening with profound attention. "Félix!" she said,
"what a pretty name; I like it. It is Latin, and means happy."
Tholomyès continued,--
"Gentlemen, be suspicious of women; woe to the man who surrenders
himself to a woman's fickle heart; woman is perfidious and tortuous,
and detests the serpent from professional jealousy. It is the shop
opposite."
"Tholomyès," Blachevelle shouted, "you are drunk."
"I hope so!"
"Then be jolly."
"I am agreeable," Tholomyès answered. And filling his glass, he rose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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