Let us say parenthetically that to be blind and to be loved is one
of the most strangely exquisite forms of happiness upon this earth,
where nothing is perfect. To have continually at your side a wife, a
sister, a daughter, a charming being, who is there because you have
need of her, and because she cannot do without you; to know yourself
indispensable to a woman who is necessary to you; to be able constantly
to gauge her affection by the amount of her presence which she gives
you, and to say to yourself: "She devotes all her time to me because I
possess her entire heart;" to see her thoughts in default of her face;
to prove the fidelity of a being in the eclipse of the world; to catch
the rustling of a dress like the sound of wings; to hear her come and
go, leave the room, return, talk, sing, and then to dream that you
are the centre of those steps, those words, those songs; to manifest
at every moment your own attraction, and feel yourself powerful in
proportion to your weakness; to become in darkness and through darkness
the planet round which this angel gravitates,--but few felicities equal
this. The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved
for yourself, or, more correctly speaking, loved in spite of yourself;
and this conviction the blind man has. In this distress to be served is
to be caressed. Does he want for anything? No. When you possess love,
you have not lost the light. And what a love! a love entirely made of
virtues. There is no blindness where there is certainty: the groping
soul seeks a soul and finds it, and this found and tried soul is a
woman. A hand supports you, it is hers; a mouth touches your forehead,
it is hers; you hear a breathing close to you, it is she.
To have everything she has, from her worship to her pity, to be never
left, to have this gentle weakness to succor you, to lean on this
unbending reed, to touch providence with her hands, and be able to
take her in your arms: oh! what heavenly rapture is this! The heart,
that obscure celestial flower, begins to expand mysteriously, and you
would not exchange this shadow for all the light! The angel soul is
thus necessarily there; if she go away, it is to return; she disappears
like a dream, and reappears like reality. You feel heat approaching
you, it is she. You overflow with serenity, ecstasy, and gayety; you
are a sunbeam in the night. And then the thousand little attentions,
the nothings which are so enormous in this vacuum! The most ineffable
accents of the human voice employed to lull you, and taking the place
of the vanished universe. You are caressed with the soul: you see
nothing, but you feel yourself adored; it is a paradise of darkness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account