Wal, here I am back agin to Washington. I didn't expect to cum on before fall, at eny rate, but I got a letter from Linkin, tellin me he couldn't do without me, no how. He sed that the bars were all down since I left, and that the cattle, an hosses, an hogs, an sheep, an mules, were all mixed up together. Now, every farmer knows what a mess it makes of it wen you git fat cattle, an the cows, an the sheep, an hosses, an hogs, all muddled together in one lot. I see, at once, the pickle Linkin was in, an so I detarmined to push off for Washington once more, an see ef I couldn't help him out. It was oncommon hot wether, an it pulled down purty hard on a constitushin which has had to go thru about eighty sich summers. Howsoever, no one ought to stand about hot wether in the sarvice of his country, even ef he don't git a salary, or have a contrack, or some brother or son where he kin make a pile. I never had a cent for all I've done, and wouldn't take it. I think, ef there is any human critter on arth who is meaner than another, it is the one who plunders the people, all the while purtending to be a patriot. Wen I arriv, ses I, "Kernel, what's the matter?" Ses he, "Majer, did you ever hear of the story of a man who caught a panther by the tail?" Ses I, "Yes, Kernel, I have." "Wal," ses he, "I'm that man. I've got the biggest he-panther by the tail that you ever heerd tell of. Ef I was splittin rails I'de know jist what to do." "Why," ses I, "Kernel, what could you do then?" "Wal," ses he, "jest stick his tail in the crack of the log, knock out the wedge, and run. But you see, Majer, I ain't splittin rails now, an that plan won't work." "Now," ses I, "Kernel, you ain't splittin rails, but I'm afeerd you're splittin somethin else." Ses he, "What?" Ses I, "THE UNION!" "Now, Majer," ses the Kernel, "you don't think I want to split the Union, do you?" "No," ses I, "I don't know as you're raley _tryin_ to split it, but then you've been such a splitter all your life, that perhaps you are doin it unbeknown to yourself. You see, Kernel, as long as you stick to them Abolishinists, jest so long the Union will not only stay split, but the split will grow wider. They are the wedge an you are the mallet. You jest knock the wedge out, an the Union will cum together jest like shuttin up a jack-nife. You see, they hold that some of the States have got an institushin which they consider rong, and they are detarmined to uproot it. In tryin to do that, they'll split everything all to smash, an by the time they get thru, it will look as ef lightnin had struck this country from Maine to Texas, in spots not more than six inches apart."