Letters of Major Jack Downing, of the Downingville MilitiaSmith, Seba
History
Letters of Major Jack Downing, of the Downingville Militia
Smith, Seba
Lincoln, Abraham, 1809-1865 -- Caricatures and cartoons; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Humor
Ses he, "Majer, you are rather personal." "Wal," ses I, "I don't mean
any offence, an," ses I, "if you really mean to be a Dimmocrat, let's
take a drink of old rye over the victories in Ohio, Pennsylvany and
Indiany." So he cum up an we both took a good swig of wiskey. The
Kernel looked at us an grit his teeth. "Wal," ses he, "ef you are goin
to rejoice in my defeat, I'll go over an call on Stantin, an see ef he
can't cheer me up." So the Kernel went off. After he'd gone, Seward an
I tuk another nip of the old rye, an purty soon we tasted of it agin.
The Seckretary is a capital drinker, an he knows what good licker is as
well as eny feller I ever see. Finally he got in a very good humer, an
ses he, "Majer, we've been bad friends long enough." So he actually
hugged me, and sed there warn't a man that ever lived that he loved so
much as the old Ginneral, an next to him his friend Majer Downing. Wen
I thought I'd got him in a good humer an he was very talkative, ses I,
"Mr. Seckretary, kin you tell me how John Van Buren got that letter of
Ginneral Scott's?" Ses he, "Yes, Majer, I kin. You know I don't want
that feller Wadswurth elected, for he's my bitter political inemy; so
the way the letter got out was this:--Weed, you know, is my chum. Now,
we have an understandin that everything that I can't tell him I put in
my right hand coat-tail pocket. You see then I can deny that I made it
public. That pocket is Weed's pocket, an he always goes to it for
secrets. Wal, I put the letter in that pocket, an Weed got it from
there. Weed also has just such a pocket. All smart politishins have
such a pocket. Now, Weed's chum is Ben Welch, Commissary Ginneral, an
Ben got it out of Weed's pocket. Now, John has long been a chum of
Ben's, an he got it out of Ben's pocket. That's the way that this
letter got out, that there is so much mystery about."
Rite off after this the Kernel came in, an we had to drop the
conversashin, for Seward gave me the wink as much as to say that he
didn't want Linkin to know everything about it.
Then I asked the Kernel what Stantin sed. He sed Stantin was in favor
of issooing a proclamashin, over the grate victories of the
Administrashin in Ohio, Indiany, Pennsylvany an Iway. He sed the people
didn't put any faith in newspapers any more, an a proclamashin declarin
that the elecshins had all gone favorabul would be believed without
winkin. Stantin thinks there ain't nothin so powerful as a
proclamashin. Seward said afore it was done, the Cabbynet had better be
called together. Here the matter dropped, an as the Kernel looked
uncommon blue, I left him to his own reflecshins, an went up-stairs to
my room.
Yours till deth,
MAJER JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XX.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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