Letters of Major Jack Downing, of the Downingville MilitiaSmith, Seba
History
Letters of Major Jack Downing, of the Downingville Militia
Smith, Seba
Lincoln, Abraham, 1809-1865 -- Caricatures and cartoons; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Humor
I didn't say nothin, for I see the Kernel was gettin his back up. At
last, ses I, "Kernel, have you tried eny of that old rye lately?" Ses
he, "No, Majer, I ain't, but I feel like wettin my gills to-nite. How
do you feel?" "Wal," ses I, "Kernel, a little good whiskey never goes
agin the grain." At that the Kernel sent for the feller who does
chores, an we both took a swig. Wen I thought he was in purty good
humor, ses I, "Kernel, why did you remove McClellin?" Ses he, "Majer, I
can't tell you now, but jest recollect my story about 'polein around,'
an gettin in 'Abolishin currents,' an you kin guess." I sed nothin, for
I see the Kernel was very mum, so I bid him good-nite, and slept as
sound on that old rye as I ever did wen I was a boy. The Kernel is
famous for good whiskey, anyhow.
Yours, till deth,
MAJER JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXI.
_The Message--A Cabinet Council--Speeches of Seward, Chase, Stanton,
Welles, Blair and Bates--Mr. Lincoln Tells a Story--The Major Gives His
Opinion--Mr. Chase Accuses Him of Disloyalty--The Major Demands a
Retraction--It is Given._
WASHINGTON, Nov. 22, 1862.
_To the Editers of The Cawcashin:_
SURS:--Wal, the messige ain't done yet. The Kernel keeps tinkerin at it
a little every day. I tell him he is jest like a cooper hammerin at a
barrel. He keeps poundin away, an when he gits thru, he is rite around
jest where he started from. The other day I telled the Kernel that it
mite hurry up matters by havin a Cabinet Council, and perhaps by gettin
all heds together we mite git the messige in sum sort of shape.
Congress would meet afore long, an there was no time to loose. The
Kernel sed he thought that would be a good idee, an so one was called.
The Kernel insisted that I should be present, though I didn't much want
to be, sence I knew how Seward was trying to play the conservative and
turn Dimmycrat. Howsoever, I determined to go but to say nothin. The
Kernel opened the ball by tellin all hands how that he an the Majer had
been to work at the messige for some weeks, off an on, like farmers
sortin their corn, but they couldn't git the docyment into ship-shape
exactly, an hence he had called 'em together to hear their opinions on
the subject, an to larn how each department, stood. He sed he wanted to
tech on all subjects, an fust he would ask Mr. Seward about our furrin
affairs. Seward got up, lookin very pale, an the fust thing he sed was,
that he believed Seemore was elected Guvernor of New York. Mr. Chase
wanted to know "what that had to do with foreign affairs, but," ses he,
an here he looked very knowin, "perhaps Mr. Seward kin tell how Seemore
cum to be elected?" At this Seward brushed up an asked him "what he
meant?" "Wal," ses he, "I mean jest this, that if you an Weed had not
thrown cold water on Wadsworth, Seemore would never have been elected."
"That's false," ses Seward, an Chase jumped up as if he was goin to do
sumthin, but the Kernel at once interfered, an sed that he didn't send
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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