Letters of Peregrine PickleUpton, George P. (George Putnam)
General
Letters of Peregrine Pickle
Upton, George P. (George Putnam)
Chicago (Ill.) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Next comes Smith, whining that his friend Thompson has married
unhappily, and he gets off the old story that marriage is a lottery
in which there are a thousand blanks to one prize. Bosh! It may be
that his friend Thompson deliberately sought happiness in something
which was not capable of affording it. Or it may be that he made
money the complement of his desires and the goal of his ambition. In
either case, he would be and ought to be disappointed. But it is more
probable that Thompson, as obtains in ninety-nine out of a hundred
of these disappointments, while carrying his head among the stars,
stumbled over the stone at his feet, which he would have seen if he
had had his head where it ought to have been. Thompson, like scores
of others, indulged in a love which smacked both of the romance and
the theatre--made it in a style and clothed it with sentiments which
have no more to do with common life than the integral calculus has
to do with everlasting salvation, and in his terrific flights of
the imagination, soared to heights occupied by angels and cherubim,
and other creatures who have nothing in common with human life.
He assumed without question that his inamorata was an angel, and,
while in his amorous embryo, would have throttled you if you had
suggested that he might have been mistaken. Of course, when he had
chipped off his shell, got his eyes open, and stepped out into the
open air of common sense, he saw his mistake. Women are not angels
at all, although it may be ungallant to say so. For certain romantic
purposes, and by a sort of poetical license, we call them such.
They don't believe they are angels themselves; but they accept the
assurance from their lovers, just as the lover accepts the assurance
from his mistress that he is a hero, both good and noble, when he
is nothing but plain Tompkins. Now, Thompson, before he married his
wife, was convinced that she was an angel, and would have considered
it a serious defect if you, or any one else had imputed human nature
as one of her characteristics. If he had married Mrs. Thompson as a
woman with a human nature, subject to diseases, old age, sullenness,
peevish fits, and other infirmities to which flesh is heir, possessed
of the same bad qualities, and capable of showing just as many good
qualities, he would have been a happy man, and by combining an even
temper with a sensible judgment, he never would have had any trouble.
It might as well be settled now as at any time that there are no
angels in this world. Angels dwell in quite another place, and have
nothing to do whatever with marriage, their time being mainly spent
in playing harps, and, if "Gates Ajar" be true, pianos, fiddles,
and other musical instruments, and in eating lotus, which is of a
better quality up there than that which grows on the Nile. The other
class of angels, if the iron-clad theology be true, is down below,
engaged in the anthracite coal and brimstone business; but there is
no record of any on earth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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