It is possible that I was unjust towards you; if so, I ask your pardon.
At the same time, you do not try to put yourself in my place, and
because you do not look at things from my standpoint you insist that I
take your point of view, which is impossible. You do not, perhaps, give
me all the credit I deserve for my efforts to be like you. I do not
understand your present attitude towards me. Not only so, but speaking
literally, I have seen for a long time that you love me better at a
distance than when I am with you.
Let us talk no more of this now. I wish only to say that I do not
censure you, and that I am not offended with you, and that if at times I
am depressed, you must not suppose that I am angry. You have made me a
promise, which you may be sure I shall not forget, and yet I do not know
if I shall remind you of it. There is nothing I dislike so much as
quarrels, but I should have to quarrel with you in order to jostle your
memory. Nothing that pains you would give me pleasure; therefore I will
agree to the programme which you have arranged.
Indeed, that was a happy inspiration of ours the other day. What a snow,
and what a rain! What a pity it would have been to put me off until
to-day! You are always afraid to follow your first impulses; do you not
know that they are the only ones which are worth anything, and which
always succeed? I have an idea that the devil is constitutionally slow,
and decides always on the longest way around. To-night I have been to
the Italian Opera, where, in spite of the constant applause given my
enemy, Madame Viardot, I enjoyed myself.
I have received from Spain the books for which I have been waiting in
order to continue my work, so that temporarily I am in high spirits. I
wish I knew that you were thinking of me, and especially that we were
thinking together. Good-bye. I am charmed that you like the pins. I was
afraid you might disdain them; but, despite the pleasure it would give
me to see you wear them, do not wear the blue shawl next time. You are
right in saying that it is too showy.
L
PARIS, _Monday night, February, 1843_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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