Opening the text

Library of the best American literature: Containing the lives of our authors in story form, their portraits, their homes, and their personal traits, how they worked and what they wrote; choice selections from eminent writers, embracing great American poets and novelists, foremost women in American letters, distinguished critics and essayists, our national humorists, noted journalists and magazine contributors, popular writers for young people, great orators and public lecturers

General

Library of the best American literature: Containing the lives of our authors in story form, their portraits, their homes, and their personal traits, how they worked and what they wrote; choice selections from eminent writers, embracing great American poets and novelists, foremost women in American letters, distinguished critics and essayists, our national humorists, noted journalists and magazine contributors, popular writers for young people, great orators and public lecturers

American literature

And so I’ve talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked with me;
    And we have agreed together that we can never agree;
    And what is hers shall be hers, and what is mine shall be mine;
    And I’ll put it in the agreement, and take it to her to sign.

    Write on the paper, lawyer――the very first paragraph――
    Of all the farm and live stock, she shall have her half;
    For she has helped to earn it through many a weary day,
    And it’s nothin’ more than justice that Betsy has her pay.

    Give her the house and homestead; a man can thrive and roam,
    But women are wretched critters, unless they have a home.
    And I have always determined, and never failed to say,
    That Betsy never should want a home, if I was taken away.

    There’s a little hard money besides, that’s drawin’ tol’rable
        pay,
    A couple of hundred dollars laid by for a rainy day,――
    Safe in the hands of good men, and easy to get at;
    Put in another clause there, and give her all of that.

    I see that you are smiling, sir, at my givin’ her so much;
    Yes, divorce is cheap, sir, but I take no stock in such;
    True and fair I married her, when she was blythe and young,
    And Betsy was always good to me exceptin’ with her tongue.

    When I was young as you, sir, and not so smart, perhaps,
    For me she mittened a lawyer, and several other chaps;
    And all of ’em was flustered, and fairly taken down,
    And for a time I was counted the luckiest man in town.

    Once when I had a fever――I won’t forget it soon――
    I was hot as a basted turkey and crazy as a loon――
    Never an hour went by me when she was out of sight;
    She nursed me true and tender, and stuck to me day and night.

    And if ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean,
    Her house and kitchen was tidy as any I ever seen,
    And I don’t complain of Betsy or any of her acts,
    Exceptin’ when we’ve quarreled, and told each other facts.

    So draw up the paper, lawyer; and I’ll go home to-night,
    And read the agreement to her, and see if it’s all right;
    And then in the morning I’ll sell to a tradin’ man I know――
    And kiss the child that was left to us, and out in the world
        I’ll go.

    And one thing put in the paper, that first to me didn’t occur;
    That when I am dead at last she will bring me back to her,
    And lay me under the maple we planted years ago,
    When she and I was happy, before we quarreled so.

    And when she dies, I wish that she would be laid by me;
    And lyin’ together in silence, perhaps we’ll then agree;
    And if ever we meet in heaven, I wouldn’t think it queer
    If we loved each other the better because we’ve quarreled here.

      ¹ From “Farm Ballads.” Copyright 1873, 1882, by Harper &
        Brothers.

                   *       *       *       *       *


                     GONE WITH A HANDSOMER MAN.¹

                        (FROM “FARM BALLADS.”)

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

Opening the text

General

Library of the best American literature: Containing the lives of our authors in story form, their portraits, their homes, and their personal traits, how they worked and what they wrote; choice selections from eminent writers, embracing great American poets and novelists, foremost women in American letters, distinguished critics and essayists, our national humorists, noted journalists and magazine contributors, popular writers for young people, great orators and public lecturers

American literature

And so I’ve talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked with me;
    And we have agreed together that we can never agree;
    And what is hers shall be hers, and what is mine shall be mine;
    And I’ll put it in the agreement, and take it to her to sign.

    Write on the paper, lawyer――the very first paragraph――
    Of all the farm and live stock, she shall have her half;
    For she has helped to earn it through many a weary day,
    And it’s nothin’ more than justice that Betsy has her pay.

    Give her the house and homestead; a man can thrive and roam,
    But women are wretched critters, unless they have a home.
    And I have always determined, and never failed to say,
    That Betsy never should want a home, if I was taken away.

    There’s a little hard money besides, that’s drawin’ tol’rable
        pay,
    A couple of hundred dollars laid by for a rainy day,――
    Safe in the hands of good men, and easy to get at;
    Put in another clause there, and give her all of that.

    I see that you are smiling, sir, at my givin’ her so much;
    Yes, divorce is cheap, sir, but I take no stock in such;
    True and fair I married her, when she was blythe and young,
    And Betsy was always good to me exceptin’ with her tongue.

    When I was young as you, sir, and not so smart, perhaps,
    For me she mittened a lawyer, and several other chaps;
    And all of ’em was flustered, and fairly taken down,
    And for a time I was counted the luckiest man in town.

    Once when I had a fever――I won’t forget it soon――
    I was hot as a basted turkey and crazy as a loon――
    Never an hour went by me when she was out of sight;
    She nursed me true and tender, and stuck to me day and night.

    And if ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean,
    Her house and kitchen was tidy as any I ever seen,
    And I don’t complain of Betsy or any of her acts,
    Exceptin’ when we’ve quarreled, and told each other facts.

    So draw up the paper, lawyer; and I’ll go home to-night,
    And read the agreement to her, and see if it’s all right;
    And then in the morning I’ll sell to a tradin’ man I know――
    And kiss the child that was left to us, and out in the world
        I’ll go.

    And one thing put in the paper, that first to me didn’t occur;
    That when I am dead at last she will bring me back to her,
    And lay me under the maple we planted years ago,
    When she and I was happy, before we quarreled so.

    And when she dies, I wish that she would be laid by me;
    And lyin’ together in silence, perhaps we’ll then agree;
    And if ever we meet in heaven, I wouldn’t think it queer
    If we loved each other the better because we’ve quarreled here.

      ¹ From “Farm Ballads.” Copyright 1873, 1882, by Harper &
        Brothers.

                   *       *       *       *       *


                     GONE WITH A HANDSOMER MAN.¹

                        (FROM “FARM BALLADS.”)

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

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