Library of the World's Best Literature, Ancient and Modern — Volume 15
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Library of the World's Best Literature, Ancient and Modern — Volume 15
Literature -- Collections
So plain was this that one of us, an earnest, impressive-looking
person, whose own work bore inspection better than that of most of us,
exclaimed passionately that so far as he was concerned the examiners
might spare their labor. From his earliest years he had known what he
ought to do, and in no instance had he ever completely done it. He had
struggled; he had conquered his grosser faults: but the farther he had
gone, and the better he had been able to do, his knowledge had still
grown faster than his power of acting upon it; and every additional
day that he had lived, his shortcomings had become more miserably
plain to him. Even if he could have reached perfection at last, he
could not undo the past, and the faults of his youth would bear
witness against him and call for his condemnation. Therefore, he said,
he abhorred himself. He had no merit which could entitle him to look
for favor. He had labored on to the end, but he had labored with a
full knowledge that the best which he could offer would be unworthy of
acceptance. He had been told, and he believed, that a high Spirit not
subject to infirmity had done his work for him, and done it perfectly,
and that if he abandoned all claim on his own account, he might be
accepted for the sake of what another had done. This, he trusted, was
true, and it was his sole dependence. In the so-called good actions
with which he seemed to be credited, there was nothing that was really
good; there was not one which was altogether what it ought to have
been.
He was evidently sincere, and what he said was undoubtedly true--true
of him and true of every one. Even in the vehemence of his
self-abandonment a trace lingered of the taint which he was
confessing, for he was a polemical divine; he had spent his life and
gained a reputation in maintaining this particular doctrine. He
believed it, but he had not forgotten that he had been himself its
champion.
The examiner looked kindly at him, but answered:--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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