It's wrong to murder babies, little corals for to fleece; But sins like these one expiates at half-a-crown apiece. "Girls will be girls—you're very young, and flighty in your mind; Old heads upon young shoulders we must not expect to find; We mustn't be too hard upon these little girlish tricks— Let's see—five crimes at half-a-crown—exactly twelve-and-six." "O father," little Alice cried, "your kindness makes me weep, You do these little things for me so singularly cheap; Your thoughtful liberality I never can forget; But oh! there is another crime I haven't mentioned yet! "A pleasant-looking gentleman, with pretty purple eyes, I've noticed at my window, as I've sat a-catching flies; He passes by it every day as certain as can be— I blush to say I've winked at him and he has winked at me!" "For shame!" said Father Paul, "my erring daughter! On my word, This is the most distressing news that I have ever heard. Why, naughty girl, your excellent papa has pledged your hand To a promising young robber, the lieutenant of his band! "This dreadful piece of news will pain your worthy parents so! They are the most remunerative customers I know; For many, many years they've kept starvation from my doors: I never knew so criminal a family as yours! "The common country folk in this insipid neighborhood Have nothing to confess, they're so ridiculously good; And if you marry any one respectable at all, Why, you'll reform, and what will then become of Father Paul?" The worthy priest, he up and drew his cowl upon his crown, And started off in haste to tell the news to Robber Brown— To tell him how his daughter, who was now for marriage fit, Had winked upon a sorter, who reciprocated it. Good Robber Brown he muffled up his anger pretty well; He said, "I have a notion, and that notion I will tell: [Pg 6343]I will nab this gay young sorter, terrify him into fits, And get my gentle wife to chop him into little bits. "I've studied human nature, and I know a thing or two: Though a girl may fondly love a living gent, as many do— A feeling of disgust upon her senses there will fall When she looks upon his body chopped particularly small." He traced that gallant sorter to a still suburban square; He watched his opportunity, and seized him unaware; He took a life-preserver and he hit him on the head, And Mrs. Brown dissected him before she went to bed. And pretty little Alice grew more settled in her mind; She never more was guilty of a weakness of the kind; Until at length good Robber Brown bestowed her pretty hand On the promising young robber, the lieutenant of his band. THE CAPTAIN AND THE MERMAIDS I sing a legend of the sea, So hard-a-port upon your lee! A ship on starboard tack! She's bound upon a private cruise— (This is the kind of spice I use To give a salt-sea smack). Behold, on every afternoon (Save in a gale or strong monsoon) Great Captain Capel Cleggs