Life and Gabriella: The Story of a Woman's CourageGlasgow, Ellen Anderson Gholson
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Life and Gabriella: The Story of a Woman's Courage
Glasgow, Ellen Anderson Gholson
Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Virginia -- Fiction
"You see nothing--nothing." She denied it bitterly. "I liked you as a
friend. I did not think of this. I never suspected it. I don't love you.
I don't love you in the least."
He was very still. The jubilant spirit of the spring had ebbed away from
his look, and even in the height of her anger she was struck by the
change in his face.
"I don't believe you," he said gravely after a minute. "I don't believe
you."
"You must believe me. I don't love you. I have never thought of you
except as a friend. I have loved another man all my life."
Her voice rose accusingly, triumphantly, and so fervent was her look
that she might have been repeating a creed. It was as if she hoped by
convincing him to persuade her own rebellious heart of the truth she
proclaimed.
Now at last he understood. She had been lucid enough even for the
crystalline lucidity of his thought.
"I am sorry. I made a mistake," he said quietly, and after the exultant
note of a few moments ago there was a dull level of flatness in his
voice. "I am sorry. There don't seem to be anything else that I can say
or do, but--but it wouldn't have happened if I had understood--" He
paused, looked at her closely for a minute, and then added stubbornly,
with an echo of the old confidence in his tone: "I still don't believe
it."
"It is true, nevertheless." She was trembling with indignation, and this
indignation, in spite of her natural fairness, was not directed against
herself, against her own blindness and folly. Though she knew that she
was to blame, she was furious, not with herself, but with O'Hara. He had
insulted her, and she resolved bitterly that she would never forgive
him. Even now, whenever she was silent, she could still feel his kiss on
her mouth, and the vividness of the sensation stung her into passionate
anger. She was no longer the reasonable and competent Gabriella, who had
so successfully "managed her life"; she was primitive woman in the grip
of primitive anger; and balance, moderation, restraint, had flown from
her soul. The very mystery of her feeling, its complexity, its
suddenness, its remorselessness--these emotions worked together to
deepen the sense of insult, of injury, with which she burned.
"It is true, and you have no right to doubt it. You have no right." She
caught her breath sharply, and then went on with inexcusable harshness:
"Even if there hadn't been any one else, I should never--I could never
in the world--"
Her loss of self-control gave him an advantage, which he was either too
generous or too stupid to perceive. "Well, forget all about it. I am
going now," he answered quietly.
While she watched him moving away from her, she was conscious of an
inexplicable longing to stab him again more deeply before she lost him
forever. It was intolerable to her that he should leave her while she
was still indignant, that he should evade her just resentment by the
natural cowardice of flight.
"I can't forget it," she said; "how can you expect me to?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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