Life and Gabriella: The Story of a Woman's CourageGlasgow, Ellen Anderson Gholson
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Life and Gabriella: The Story of a Woman's Courage
Glasgow, Ellen Anderson Gholson
Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Virginia -- Fiction
By the time she reached Broadway her anger had ebbed, but the
oppression, the feeling that she was being slowly smothered, was still
in her throat and bosom. After all, seen in the sober light of reason,
why had she been so indignant? There had been a misapprehension; he had
thought that she was in love with him, and thinking so, he had kissed
her. That was the case plainly stated; and what was there in this to
send a burning, rush of anger to her heart? What was there in this that
had made her turn and insult him? For the first time in her life she had
lost her temper without cause, and had raged, she told herself sternly,
like a fury. And beneath her rage she had been conscious always of some
vague, incomprehensible disloyalty to Arthur--of a feeling of,
humiliation, of self-reproach, which appeared ridiculous when she
remembered that she had been kissed against her will and without
warning. But, in spite of this, she knew intuitively, with a knowledge
deeper than reason, that the glory of her Dream had paled in the moment
when she lay in O'Hara's arms.
A subtle change had come over the spirit of spring since she had left
the elm tree and the emerald veil of the grass. It was no longer
jubilant, but languorous, wistful, haunting, as if it eternally pursued,
through the fugitive seasons, an immortal and ineffable beauty. The
enchanted crystal had been shattered in an instant, and she saw life
now, not imprisoned in magical sunshine, but gray, sordid, monotonous,
as utterly hopeless as the faces thronging in Broadway. Yet not many
months ago she had seen in these, same faces the inward hope, the joy in
sadness, the gaiety in disappointment, which had brightened the world
for her. Then she had been aware of an invisible current flowing from
the crowd to herself; but to-day this shining current was broken or
turned aside, and she felt detached, adrift, and distrustful of the
future. That mental correspondence with the mood of the crowd, with the
life of the city, which had come to her first on the brilliant morning
in September, and then again when she walked home with O'Hara in the
winter's dusk--which had released a new faculty in her soul, and had
given her a fresh perception of human responsibilities--this had
deserted her so utterly that she could barely remember its miraculous
visitation. Then her personal life had seemed to become a part of the
life of the street, of the sky, of the mysterious city outlined against
the gray background of dusk. To-day she walked alone and without
sympathy through the crowd. Her feet dragged, and she felt dully that
she had lost her share in both the street and the sky. The very faces of
the men and women around her--those lethargic foreign faces which
crowded out the finer American type--awoke in her the sensation of
hopeless revolt which one feels before the impending destruction of
higher forms by masses of inert and conscienceless matter. She thought
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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