Life in the Clearings versus the BushMoodie, Susanna
History
Life in the Clearings versus the Bush
Moodie, Susanna
Frontier and pioneer life -- Ontario; Moodie, Susannah, 1803-1885; Ontario -- Description and travel
"'Oh, Sir, it would have been better for me to have died with Macdermot
than to have suffered for years, as I have done, the torments of the
damned. Oh, Sir, my misery is too great for words to describe! I would
gladly submit to the most painful death, if I thought that it would put
an end to the pangs I daily endure. But though I have repented of my
wickedness with bitter tears, it has pleased God that I should never
again know a moment's peace. Since I helped Macdermot to strangle Hannah
Montgomery, her terrible face and those horrible bloodshot eyes have
never left me for a moment. They glare upon me by night and day, and
when I close my eyes in despair, I see them looking into my soul--it is
impossible to shut them out. If I am at work, in a few minutes that
dreadful head is in my lap. If I look up to get rid of it, I see it in
the far corner of the room. At dinner, it is in my plate, or grinning
between the persons who sit opposite to me at table. Every object that
meets my sight takes the same dreadful form; and at night--at night--in
the silence and loneliness of my cell, those blazing eyes make my prison
as light as day. No, not as day--they have a terribly hot glare, that
has not the appearance of anything in this world. And when I sleep,--that
face just hovers above my own, its eyes just opposite to mine; so
that when I awake with a shriek of agony, I find them there. Oh! this is
hell, Sir--these are the torments of the damned! Were I in that fiery
place, my punishment could not be greater than this.'
"The poor creature turned away, and I left her, for who could say a
word of comfort to such grief? it was a matter solely between her own
conscience and God."
Having heard this terrible narrative, I was very anxious to behold this
unhappy victim of remorse. She passed me on the stairs as I proceeded to
the part of the building where the women were kept; but on perceiving a
stranger, she turned her head away, so that I could not get a glimpse of
her face.
Having made known my wishes to the matron, she very kindly called her
in to perform some trifling duty in the ward, so that I might have an
opportunity of seeing her. She is a middle-sized woman, with a slight
graceful figure. There is an air of hopeless melancholy in her face
which is very painful to contemplate. Her complexion is fair, and must,
before the touch of hopeless sorrow paled it, have been very brilliant.
Her eyes are a bright blue, her hair auburn, and her face would be
rather handsome were it not for the long curved chin, which gives, as
it always does to most persons who have this facial defect, a cunning,
cruel expression.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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