I never pretended that it was for the sake of religion alone, that I
left Italy, On the contrary, I have often declared, that, had I never
belonged to the Inquisition, I should have gone on, as most Roman
Catholics do, without ever questioning the truth of the religion I was
brought up in, or thinking of any other. But the unheard of cruelties
of that hellish tribunal shocked me beyond all expression, and rendered
me,--as I was obliged, by my office of Counsellor, to be accessary to
them,--one of the most unhappy men upon earth. I therefore began
to think of resigning my office; but as I had on several occasions,
betrayed some weakness as they termed it, that is, some compassion and
humanity, and had upon that account been reprimanded by the Inquisitor,
I was well apprized that my resignation would be ascribed by him to
my disapproving the proceedings of the holy tribunal. And indeed, to
nothing else could it be ascribed, as a place at that board was a
sure way to preferment, and attended with great privileges, and a
considerable salary. Being, therefore, sensible how dangerous a thing it
would be to give the least ground for any suspicions of that nature,
and no longer able to bear the sight of the many barbarities practised
almost daily within those walls, nor the reproaches of my conscience for
being accessary to them, I determined, after many restless nights, and
much deliberation, to withdraw at the same time from the Inquisition,
and from Italy. In this mind, and in the most unhappy and tormenting
situation that can possibly be imagined, I continued near a
twelve-month, not able to prevail on myself to execute the resolution
I had taken on account of the many dangers which I foresaw would
inevitably attend it, and the dreadful consequences of my failing in
the attempt. But, being in the mean time ordered by the Inquisitor, to
apprehend a person with whom I had lived in the greatest intimacy and
friendship, the part I was obliged to act on that occasion, left so deep
an impression on my mind as soon prevailed over all my fears, and made
me determine to put into execution, at all events, and without delay,
the design I had formed. Of that transaction I shall give a particular
account, as it will show in a very strong light the nature and
proceedings of that horrid court.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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