It was enough to melt the hardest heart to witness her agony; but
she bore it with a degree of fortitude and patience, I could not have
supposed possible, had I not been compelled to behold it. When I entered
the room she looked up and said, "Have you come to release me, or only
to suffer with me?" I did not dare to reply, for the priest was there,
but when he left us she exclaimed, "My child, let nothing induce you
to believe this cursed religion. It will be the death of you, and that
death, will be the death of a dog." I suppose she meant that they would
kill me as they would a dog. She then asked, "Who put you here?" "My
Father," said I. "He must have been a brute," said she, "or he never
could have done it." At one time I happened to mention the name of
God, when she fiercely exclaimed with gestures of contempt, "A God! You
believe there is one, do you? Don't you suffer yourself to believe any
such thing. Think you that a wise, merciful, and all powerful being
would allow such a hell as this to exist? Would he suffer me to be torn
from friends and home, from my poor children and all that my soul holds
dear, to be confined in this den of iniquity, and tortured to death in
this cruel manner? No, O, no. He would at once destroy these monsters
in human form; he would not suffer them, for one moment, to breathe the
pure air of heaven."
At another time she exclaimed, "O, my children! my poor motherless
children! What will become of them? God of mercy, protect my children!"
Thus, at one moment, she would say there was no God, and the next,
pray to him for help. This did not surprise me, for she was in such
intolerable misery she did not realize what she did say. Every few hours
the priest came in, and gave the rollers a turn, when her joints would
crack and--but I cannot describe it. The sight made me sick and faint at
the time, as the recollection of it, does now. It seemed as though that
man must have had a heart of adamant, or he could not have done it.
She would shriek, and groan, and weep, but it did not affect him in the
least. He was as calm, and deliberate as though he had a block of wood
in his hands, instead of a human being. When I saw him coming, I once
shook my head at her, to have her stop speaking; but when he was gone,
she said, "Don't shake your head at me; I do not fear him. He can but
kill me, and the quicker he does it the better. I would be glad if he
would put an end to my misery at once, but that would be too merciful.
He is determined to kill me by inches, and it makes no difference what I
say to him."
She had no food, or drink, during the three days I was there, and the
priest never spoke to her. He brought me my bread and water regularly,
and I would gladly have given it to that poor woman if she would have
taken it. But she would not accept the offer. It would only prolong
her sufferings, and she wished to die. I do not suppose she could have
lived, had she been taken out when I first saw her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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