Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own PeopleKipling, Rudyard
History
Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own People
Kipling, Rudyard
India -- History -- British occupation, 1765-1947 -- Fiction; India -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
To these things, Learoyd, slow to perceive the evidences of sincerity,
answered only, ‘If owt comes to Mulvaaney ‘long o’ you, I’ll gripple
you, clouts or no clouts on your ugly head, an’ I’ll draw t’ throat
twistyways, man. See there now.’
The embassy removed itself, and Dearsley, the battered, laughed alone
over his supper that evening.
Three days passed--a fourth and a fifth. The week drew to a close
and Mulvaney did not return. He, his royal palanquin, and his six
attendants, had vanished into air. A very large and very tipsy soldier,
his feet sticking out of the litter of a reigning princess, is not a
thing to travel along the ways without comment. Yet no man of all the
country round had seen any such wonder. He was, and he was not; and
Learoyd suggested the immediate smashment of Dearsley as a sacrifice to
his ghost. Ortheris insisted that all was well, and in the light of past
experience his hopes seemed reasonable.
‘When Mulvaney goes up the road,’ said he, ‘’e’s like to go a very long
ways up, specially when ‘e’s so blue drunk as ‘e is now. But what gits
me is ‘is not bein’ ‘eard of pullin’ wool off the niggers somewheres
about. That don’t look good. The drink must ha’ died out in ‘im by this,
unless ‘e’s broke a bank, an’ then--Why don’t ‘e come back? ‘E didn’t
ought to ha’ gone off without us.’
Even Ortheris’s heart sank at the end of the seventh day, for half the
regiment were out scouring the country-side, and Learoyd had been forced
to fight two men who hinted openly that Mulvaney had deserted. To do him
justice, the colonel laughed at the notion, even when it was put forward
by his much-trusted adjutant.
‘Mulvaney would as soon think of deserting as you would,’ said he. ‘No;
he’s either fallen into a mischief among the villagers--and yet that
isn’t likely, for he’d blarney himself out of the Pit; or else he is
engaged on urgent private affairs--some stupendous devilment that we
shall hear of at mess after it has been the round of the barrack-rooms.
The worst of it is that I shall have to give him twenty-eight days’
confinement at least for being absent without leave, just when I most
want him to lick the new batch of recruits into shape. I never knew a
man who could put a polish on young soldiers as quickly as Mulvaney can.
How does he do it?’
‘With blarney and the buckle-end of a belt, sir,’ said the adjutant. ‘He
is worth a couple of non-commissioned officers when we are dealing with
an Irish draft, and the London lads seem to adore him. The worst of it
is that if he goes to the cells the other two are neither to hold nor
to bind till he comes out again. I believe Ortheris preaches mutiny on
those occasions, and I know that the mere presence of Learoyd mourning
for Mulvaney kills all the cheerfulness of his room. The sergeants tell
me that he allows no man to laugh when he feels unhappy. They are a
queer gang.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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