‘We were alone in that passage. Maybe I was a trifle too pressin’, but considher fwhat I had done for the good av the temple and the iverlastin’ joy av those women. ‘Twas cheap at the price. I wud ha’ taken more if I cud ha’ found ut. I turned the ould man upside down at the last, but he was milked dhry. Thin he opened a door in another passage an’ I found mysilf up to my knees in Benares river-water, an’ bad smellin’ ut is. More by token I had come out on the river-line close to the burnin’ ghat and contagious to a cracklin’ corpse. This was in the heart av the night, for I had been four hours in the temple. There was a crowd av boats tied up, so I tuk wan an’ wint across the river. Thin I came home acrost country, lyin’ up by day.’ ‘How on earth did you manage?’ I said. ‘How did Sir Frederick Roberts get from Cabul to Candahar? He marched an’ he niver tould how near he was to breakin’ down. That’s why he is fwhat he is. An’ now--’ Mulvaney yawned portentously. ‘Now I will go an’ give myself up for absince widout leave. It’s eight an’ twenty days an’ the rough end of the colonel’s tongue in orderly room, any way you look at ut. But ‘tis cheap at the price.’ ‘Mulvaney,’ said I softly. ‘If there happens to be any sort of excuse that the colonel can in any way accept, I have a notion that you’ll get nothing more than the dressing-gown. The new recruits are in, and--’ ‘Not a word more, sorr. Is ut excuses the old man wants? ‘Tis not my way, but he shall have thim. I’ll tell him I was engaged in financial operations connected wid a church,’ and he flapped his way to cantonments and the cells, singing lustily-- ‘So they sent a corp’ril’s file, And they put me in the gyard-room For conduck unbecomin’ of a soldier.’ And when he was lost in the midst of the moonlight we could hear the refrain-- Bang upon the big drum, bash upon the cymbals, As we go marchin’ along, boys, oh! For although in this campaign There’s no whisky nor champagne, We’ll keep our spirits goin’ with a song, boys!’ Therewith he surrendered himself to the joyful and almost weeping guard, and was made much of by his fellows. But to the colonel he said that he had been smitten with sunstroke and had lain insensible on a villager’s cot for untold hours; and between laughter and goodwill the affair was smoothed over, so that he could, next day, teach the new recruits how to ‘Fear God, Honour the Queen, Shoot Straight, and Keep Clean.’ THE COURTING OF DINAH SHADD What did the colonel’s lady think? Nobody never knew. Somebody asked the sergeant’s wife An’ she told ‘em true. When you git to a man in the case They’re like a row o’ pins, For the colonel’s lady an’ Judy O’Grady Are sisters under their skins. BARRACK-ROOM BALLAD.