Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own PeopleKipling, Rudyard
History
Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own People
Kipling, Rudyard
India -- History -- British occupation, 1765-1947 -- Fiction; India -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
‘’Twas after three weeks standin’ off an’ on, an’ niver makin’ headway
excipt through the eyes, that a little drummer-boy grinned in me face
whin I had admonished him wid the buckle av my belt for riotin’ all over
the place. “An’ I’m not the only wan that doesn’t kape to barricks,”
sez he. I tuk him by the scruff av his neck,--my heart was hung on a
hair-thrigger those days, you will onderstand--an’ “Out wid ut,” sez I,
“or I’ll lave no bone av you unbreakable.”--“Speak to Dempsey,” sez he
howlin’. “Dempsey which?” sez I, “ye unwashed limb av Satan.”--“Av the
Bob-tailed Dhragoons,” sez he. “He’s seen her home from her aunt’s
house in the civil lines four times this fortnight.”--“Child!” sez
I, dhroppin’ him, “your tongue’s stronger than your body. Go to your
quarters. I’m sorry I dhressed you down.”
‘At that I went four ways to wanst huntin’ Dempsey. I was mad to think
that wid all my airs among women I shud ha’ been chated by a basin-faced
fool av a cav’lry-man not fit to trust on a trunk. Presintly I found
him in our lines--the Bobtails was quartered next us--an’ a tallowy,
topheavy son av a she-mule he was wid his big brass spurs an’ his
plastrons on his epigastrons an’ all. But he niver flinched a hair.
‘“A word wid you, Dempsey,” sez I. “You’ve walked wid Dinah Shadd four
times this fortnight gone.”
‘“What’s that to you?” sez he. “I’ll walk forty times more, an’ forty on
top av that, ye shovel-futted clod-breakin’ infantry lance-corp’ril.”
‘Before I cud gyard he had his gloved fist home on my cheek an’ down
I went full-sprawl. “Will that content you?” sez he, blowin’ on his
knuckles for all the world like a Scots Greys orf’cer. “Content!” sez
I. “For your own sake, man, take off your spurs, peel your jackut, an’
onglove. ‘Tis the beginnin’ av the overture; stand up!”
‘He stud all he know, but he niver peeled his jackut, an’ his shoulders
had no fair play. I was fightin’ for Dinah Shadd an’ that cut on my
cheek. What hope had he forninst me? “Stand up,” sez I, time an’ again
whin he was beginnin’ to quarter the ground an’ gyard high an’ go large.
“This isn’t ridin’-school,” I sez. “O man, stand up an’ let me get in
at ye.” But whin I saw he wud be runnin’ about, I grup his shtock in
my left an’ his waist-belt in my right an’ swung him clear to my right
front, head undher, he hammerin’ my nose till the wind was knocked out
av him on the bare ground. “Stand up,” sez I, “or I’ll kick your head
into your chest!” and I wud ha’ done ut too, so ragin’ mad I was.
‘“My collar-bone’s bruk,” sez he. “Help me back to lines. I’ll walk wid
her no more.” So I helped him back.’
‘And was his collar-bone broken?’ I asked, for I fancied that only
Learoyd could neatly accomplish that terrible throw.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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