Life's Little Ironies: A set of tales with some colloquial sketches entitled A Few Crusted CharactersHardy, Thomas
General
Life's Little Ironies: A set of tales with some colloquial sketches entitled A Few Crusted Characters
Hardy, Thomas
Short stories, English; Wessex (England) -- Fiction
‘It happened on Sunday after Christmas—the last Sunday ever they played
in Longpuddle church gallery, as it turned out, though they didn’t know
it then. As you may know, sir, the players formed a very good
band—almost as good as the Mellstock parish players that were led by
the Dewys; and that’s saying a great deal. There was Nicholas
Puddingcome, the leader, with the first fiddle; there was Timothy
Thomas, the bass-viol man; John Biles, the tenor fiddler; Dan’l
Hornhead, with the serpent; Robert Dowdle, with the clarionet; and Mr.
Nicks, with the oboe—all sound and powerful musicians, and
strong-winded men—they that blowed. For that reason they were very much
in demand Christmas week for little reels and dancing parties; for they
could turn a jig or a hornpipe out of hand as well as ever they could
turn out a psalm, and perhaps better, not to speak irreverent. In
short, one half-hour they could be playing a Christmas carol in the
squire’s hall to the ladies and gentlemen, and drinking tea and coffee
with ’em as modest as saints; and the next, at The Tinker’s Arms,
blazing away like wild horses with the “Dashing White Sergeant” to nine
couple of dancers and more, and swallowing rum-and-cider hot as flame.
‘Well, this Christmas they’d been out to one rattling randy after
another every night, and had got next to no sleep at all. Then came the
Sunday after Christmas, their fatal day. ’Twas so mortal cold that year
that they could hardly sit in the gallery; for though the congregation
down in the body of the church had a stove to keep off the frost, the
players in the gallery had nothing at all. So Nicholas said at morning
service, when ’twas freezing an inch an hour, “Please the Lord I won’t
stand this numbing weather no longer: this afternoon we’ll have
something in our insides to make us warm, if it cost a king’s ransom.”
‘So he brought a gallon of hot brandy and beer, ready mixed, to church
with him in the afternoon, and by keeping the jar well wrapped up in
Timothy Thomas’s bass-viol bag it kept drinkably warm till they wanted
it, which was just a thimbleful in the Absolution, and another after
the Creed, and the remainder at the beginning o’ the sermon. When
they’d had the last pull they felt quite comfortable and warm, and as
the sermon went on—most unfortunately for ’em it was a long one that
afternoon—they fell asleep, every man jack of ’em; and there they slept
on as sound as rocks.
‘’Twas a very dark afternoon, and by the end of the sermon all you
could see of the inside of the church were the pa’son’s two candles
alongside of him in the pulpit, and his spaking face behind ’em. The
sermon being ended at last, the pa’son gie’d out the Evening Hymn. But
no choir set about sounding up the tune, and the people began to turn
their heads to learn the reason why, and then Levi Limpet, a boy who
sat in the gallery, nudged Timothy and Nicholas, and said, “Begin!
begin!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account