England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“Both o’ their tempers was so bad that we let the subject drop while we
was at breakfast. The orkard persition of affairs could no longer be
disregarded. Fust one chap threw out a ’int and then another, gradually
getting a little stronger and stronger, until Bill turned round in a
uncomfortable way and requested of us to leave off talking with our
mouths full and speak up like Englishmen wot we meant.
“‘You see, it’s this way, Bill,’ ses Joe, soft-like. ‘As soon as the
mate sees you there’ll be trouble for all of us.’
“‘For all of us,’ repeats Bill, nodding.
“‘Whereas,’ ses Joe, looking round for support, ‘if we gets up a little
collection for you and you should find it convenient to desart——’
“‘’Ear, ’ear,’ ses a lot o’ voices. ‘Bravo, Joe.’
“‘Oh, desart is it?’ ses Bill; ‘an’ where are we goin’ to desart to?’
“‘Well, that we leave to you,’ ses Joe; ‘there’s many a ship
short-’anded as would be glad to pick up sich a couple of prime
sailor-men as you an’ Bob.’
“‘Ah, an’ wot about our black faces?’ ses Bill, still in the same
sneering, ungrateful sort o’ voice.
“‘That can be got over,’ ses Joe.
“’Ow?’ ses Bill and Bob together.
“‘Ship as nigger cooks,’ ses Joe, slapping his knee and looking round
triumphant.
“It’s no good trying to do some people a kindness. Joe was perfectly
sincere, and nobody could say but wot it wasn’t a good idea, but o’
course Mr. Bill Cousins must consider hisself insulted, and I can only
suppose that the trouble he’d gone through ’ad affected his brain.
Likewise Bob Pullin’s. Anyway, that’s the only excuse I can make for
’em. To cut a long story short, nobody ’ad any more breakfast, and no
time to do anything until them two men was scrouged up in a corner an’
’eld there unable to move.
“‘I’d never ’ave done ’em,’ ses the carpenter, arter it was all over,
‘if I’d known they was goin’ to carry on like this. They wanted to be
done.’
“‘The mate’ll half murder ’em,’ ses Ted Hill.
“‘He’ll ’ave ’em sent to gaol, that’s wot he’ll do,’ ses Smith. ‘It’s a
serious matter to go ashore and commit assault and battery on the
mate.’
“‘You’re all in it,’ ses the voice o’ Bill from the floor. ‘I’m going
to make a clean breast of it. Joe Smith put us up to it, the carpenter
blacked us, and the others encouraged us.’
“‘Joe got the clothes for us,’ ses Bob. ‘I know the place he got ’em
from, too.’
“The ingratitude o’ these two men was sich that at first we decided to
have no more to do with them, but better feelings prevailed, and we
held a sort o’ meeting to consider what was best to be done. An’
everything that was suggested one o’ them two voices from the floor
found fault with and wouldn’t ’ave, and at last we ’ad to go up on deck
with nothing decided upon, except to swear ’ard and fast as we knew
nothing about it.
“The only advice we can give you,’ ses Joe, looking back at ’em, ’is to
stay down ’ere as long as you can.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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