She poured me out a bowlful of milk, and, handing me the loaf, begged
me to break from it such a piece as I liked. Then she filled from the
wine-jug two silver goblets of grotesquely graceful workmanship.
“You have never drunk wine like this!” she said.
I drank, and wondered: every flower of Hybla and Hymettus must have sent
its ghost to swell the soul of that wine!
“And now that you will be able to listen,” she went on, “I must do what
I can to make myself intelligible to you. Our natures, however, are so
different, that this may not be easy. Men and women live but to die; we,
that is such as I--we are but a few--live to live on. Old age is to you
a horror; to me it is a dear desire: the older we grow, the nearer we
are to our perfection. Your perfection is a poor thing, comes soon, and
lasts but a little while; ours is a ceaseless ripening. I am not yet
ripe, and have lived thousands of your years--how many, I never cared to
note. The everlasting will not be measured.
“Many lovers have sought me; I have loved none of them: they sought but
to enslave me; they sought me but as the men of my city seek gems of
price.--When you found me, I found a man! I put you to the test; you
stood it; your love was genuine!--It was, however, far from ideal--far
from such love as I would have. You loved me truly, but not with true
love. Pity has, but is not love. What woman of any world would return
love for pity? Such love as yours was then, is hateful to me. I knew
that, if you saw me as I am, you would love me--like the rest of
them--to have and to hold: I would none of that either! I would be
otherwise loved! I would have a love that outlived hopelessness,
outmeasured indifference, hate, scorn! Therefore did I put on cruelty,
despite, ingratitude. When I left you, I had shown myself such as you
could at least no longer follow from pity: I was no longer in need
of you! But you must satisfy my desire or set me free--prove yourself
priceless or worthless! To satisfy the hunger of my love, you must
follow me, looking for nothing, not gratitude, not even pity in
return!--follow and find me, and be content with merest presence, with
scantest forbearance!--I, not you, have failed; I yield the contest.”
She looked at me tenderly, and hid her face in her hands. But I had
caught a flash and a sparkle behind the tenderness, and did not believe
her. She laid herself out to secure and enslave me; she only fascinated
me!
“Beautiful princess,” I said, “let me understand how you came to be
found in such evil plight.”
“There are things I cannot explain,” she replied, “until you have become
capable of understanding them--which can only be when love is grown
perfect. There are many things so hidden from you that you cannot even
wish to know them; but any question you can put, I can in some measure
answer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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