Lincoln's yarns and stories : $b A complete collection of the funny and witty anecdotes that made Lincoln famous as America's greatest story tellerMcClure, Alexander K. (Alexander Kelly)
History
Lincoln's yarns and stories : $b A complete collection of the funny and witty anecdotes that made Lincoln famous as America's greatest story teller
McClure, Alexander K. (Alexander Kelly)
Lincoln, Abraham, 1809-1865 -- Anecdotes
“There were eight or ten of us, our ages ranging from eight to twelve
years. Although I was but seven or eight years of age, Mr. Lincoln’s
visits were of such importance to us boys as to leave a clear impression
on my memory. He drove out to the place quite frequently. We boys, for
hours at a time played ‘town ball’ on the vast lawn, and Mr. Lincoln
would join ardently in the sport. I remember vividly how he ran with the
children; how long were his strides, and how far his coat-tails stuck
out behind, and how we tried to hit him with the ball, as he ran the
bases. He entered into the spirit of the play as completely as any of
us, and we invariably hailed his coming with delight.”
HIS PASSES TO RICHMOND NOT HONORED.
A man called upon the President and solicited a pass for Richmond.
“Well,” said the President, “I would be very happy to oblige, if my
passes were respected; but the fact is, sir, I have, within the past
two years, given passes to two hundred and fifty thousand men to go to
Richmond, and not one has got there yet.”
The applicant quietly and respectfully withdrew on his tiptoes.
“PUBLIC HANGMAN” FOR THE UNITED STATES.
A certain United States Senator, who believed that every man who
believed in secession should be hanged, asked the President what he
intended to do when the War was over.
“Reconstruct the machinery of this Government,” quickly replied Lincoln.
“You are certainly crazy,” was the Senator’s heated response. “You
talk as if treason was not henceforth to be made odious, but that
the traitors, cutthroats and authors of this War should not only go
unpunished, but receive encouragement to repeat their treason with
impunity! They should be hanged higher than Haman, sir! Yes, higher than
any malefactor the world has ever known!”
The President was entirely unmoved, but, after a moment’s pause, put a
question which all but drove his visitor insane.
“Now, Senator, suppose that when this hanging arrangement has been
agreed upon, you accept the post of Chief Executioner. If you will take
the office, I will make you a brigadier general and Public Hangman for
the United States. That would just about suit you, wouldn’t it?”
“I am a gentleman, sir,” returned the Senator, “and I certainly thought
you knew me better than to believe me capable of doing such dirty work.
You are jesting, Mr. President.”
The President was extremely patient, exhibiting no signs of ire, and to
this bit of temper on the part of the Senator responded:
“You speak of being a gentleman; yet you forget that in this free
country all men are equal, the vagrant and the gentleman standing on the
same ground when it comes to rights and duties, particularly in time
of war. Therefore, being a gentleman, as you claim, and a law-abiding
citizen, I trust, you are not exempt from doing even the dirty work at
which your high spirit revolts.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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