In spite of her shrinking, of a half articulate appeal, he crushed her
against his face. Whatever that had filled her with hope, she thought,
was being torn from her. A sickening aversion over which she had no
control made her stark in his arms. The memories of the painted coarse
satiety of women and the sly hard men for which they schemed, the loose
discussions of calculated advances and sordid surrenders, flooded her
with a loathing for what she passionately needed to be beautiful.
Yet deep within her, surprising in its vitality, a fragile ardor
persisted. If she could explain, not only might he understand, but be
able to make her own longing clear and secure. But all she managed
to say was, “If you kiss me again I think it will kill me.” Even that
failed to stop him. “You were never alive,” he asserted. “I'll put some
feeling into you. It has been done before with marble.”
Linda, unresponsive, suffered inordinately.
Again on her feet she saw that Pleydon was angry, his face grim. He
seemed changed, threatening and unfamiliar; it was exactly as if, in
place of Dodge Pleydon, a secretive impersonal ugliness stood disclosed
before her. He said harshly:
“When will you marry me?”
It was what, above all else, she had wanted; and Linda realized that to
marry him was still the crown of whatever happiness she could imagine.
But her horror of the past recreated by his beating down of her
gossamer-like aspiration, the vision of him flushed and ruthless, an
image of indiscriminate nameless man, made it impossible for her to
reply. An abandon of shrinking fear numbed her heart and lips.
“You won't get rid of me as you do the others about you,” he continued.
“This time you made a mistake. I haven't any pride that you can insult;
but I have all that you--with your character--require. I have more money
even than you can want.” She cried despairingly:
“It isn't that now! I had forgotten everything to do with money and
depended on you to take me away from it always.”
“When will you marry me?”
In a flash of blinding perception, leaving her as dazed as though it had
been a physical actuality, she realized that marrying him had become an
impossibility. At the barest thought of it the dread again closed about
her like ice. She tried, with all the force of old valuations, with even
an effort to summon back the vanquished thrill, to give herself to
him. But a quality overpowering and instinctive, the response of her
incalculable injury, made any contact with him hateful. It was
utterly beyond her power to explain. A greater mystery still partly
unfolded--whatever she had hoped from Pleydon belonged to the special
emotion that had possessed her since earliest childhood.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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