The fact that she understood so little depressed her with increasing
frequency. It was well enough to be ignorant as a girl, or even as a
young woman newly married; but she had left all that behind; she had
lost her youth without any compensating gain of knowledge. Linda could
not assure herself that life was clearer than it had been to her serious
childhood. It had always been easily measured on the surface; she
had had a very complete grasp of its material aspects almost at once,
accomplishing exactly what she had planned. Perhaps this was all;
and her trouble an evidence of weakness--the indecision, she saw
with contempt, that kept so many people in a constant agitation of
disappointment.
Perhaps this was enough; more than the majority had or accomplished. She
made, again, a resolute effort to be contented, at rest. Her straying
fingers clumsily wrought a fragmentary refrain that mocked her
determination. It wasn't new, this--this dissatisfaction; but it had
grown sharper. As she was older her restlessness increased at the
realization that life, opportunity, were slipping from her. Soon she
would be forty.
The conviction seized her that most lives reflected hers in that their
questioning was never answered. The fortunate, then, were the incurious
and the hearts undisturbed by a maddening thrill. She said aloud, “The
ones who never heard music.” Pleydon was without a sign that she had
spoken. Her emotions were very delicate, very fragile, and enormously
difficult to perceive. They were like plants in stony ground. Where had
she heard that--out of the Bible? Then she thought of her failure to get
anything from religion--a part of her inability to drink at the springs
which others declared so refreshing. Linda pressed her hands more
sharply on the keys and the answering discord had the effect of waking
her to reality.
Pleydon remained until the following afternoon, and then was lost--in
the foundry casting his statue--for six months. Arnaud went over to view
the completion of the bronze and returned filled with enthusiasm. “Its
simplicity is the surprising part,” he told her. “The barest statement
possible. But Pleydon himself is in a disturbing condition; I can't
decide if it is mental or physical. The fever of course; yet that
doesn't account for his distance from ordinary living. The truth is, I
suppose, that men weren't designed for great arts, and nature, like
the jealous God of the Hebrews, retaliates. It is absurd, but Pleydon
reminds me of you; you're totally different. I suppose it's because of
the detachment you have in common.” He veered to a detail of Lowrie's
first year at a university, and exhibited, against a decent endeavor to
the contrary, his boundless pride in their son.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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