It does not appear that previous to this conversation he had ever
distinctly realised the tenets which were afterwards to have so much
influence over him. For the moment they produced a good effect, but
in a few hours their novelty was over—the dark hour returned, and he
awoke from slumber with a ‘stronger alienation from God than ever.’ The
tenacity with which the mind in moments of excitement appropriates and
retains very abstract tenets, that bear even in a slight degree on the
topic of its excitement, is as remarkable as the facility and accuracy
with which it apprehends them in the midst of so great a tumult. Many
changes and many years rolled over Cowper—years of black and dark
depression, years of tranquil society, of genial labour, of literary
fame, but never in the lightest or darkest hour was he wholly unconscious
of the abstract creed of Martin Madan. At the time indeed, the body had
its rights, and maintained them.
‘While I traversed the apartment, expecting every moment that
the earth would open her mouth and swallow me, my conscience
scaring me, and the city of refuge out of reach and out of
sight, a strange and horrible darkness fell upon me. If it
were possible that a heavy blow could light on the brain
without touching the skull, such was the sensation I felt. I
clapped my hand to my forehead, and cried aloud, through the
pain it gave me. At every stroke my thoughts and expressions
became more wild and incoherent; all that remained clear was
the sense of sin, and the expectation of punishment. These
kept undisturbed possession all through my illness, without
interruption or abatement.’
It is idle to follow details further. The deep waters had passed over
him, and it was long before the face of his mind was dry or green again.
He was placed in a lunatic asylum, where he continued many months, and
which he left apparently cured. After some changes of no moment, but
which by his own account evinced many traces of dangerous excitement,
he took up his abode at Huntingdon, with the family of Unwin; and it
is remarkable how soon the taste for easy and simple, yet not wholly
unintellectual society, which had formerly characterised him, revived
again. The delineation cannot be given in any terms but his own:—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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