WIDOW. "Shet yer head, Tim Crane--nun o' yer sass to me. _There's_ yer hat on that are table, and _here's_ the door--and the sooner you put on _one_ and march out o' t'other, the better it'll be for you. And I advise you afore you try to git married agin, to go out West and see 'f yet wife's cold--and arter ye're satisfied on that pint, jest put a little lampblack on yer hair--'twould add to yer appearance undoubtedly, and be of sarvice tew you when you want to flourish round among the gals--and when ye've got yer hair fixt, jest splinter the spine o' yerback--'twould'n' hurt yer looks a mite--you'd be intirely unresistible if you was a _leetle_ grain straiter." MR. C. "Well, I never!" WIDOW. "Hold yer tongue--you consarned old coot you. I tell ye _there's_ your hat, and _there's_ the door--be off with yerself, quick metre, or I'll give ye a hyst with the broomstick." MR. C. "Gimmeni!" WIDOW (_rising_). "Git out, I say--I ain't a-gwine to start' here and be insulted under my own ruff--and so git along--and if ever you darken my door again, or say a word to Melissy, it'll be the woss for you--that's all." MR. C. "Treemenjous! What a buster!" WIDOW. "Go 'long--go 'long--go 'long, you everlastin' old gum. I won't hear another word" [stops her ears]. "I won't, I won't, I won't." [_Exit Mr. Crane._ (_Enter Melissa, accompanied by Captain Canoot._) "Good-evenin', Cappen Well, Melissy, hum at last, hey? Why didn't you stay till mornin'? Party business keepin' me up here so late waitin' for you--when I'm eny most tired to death ironin' and workin' like a slave all day--ought to ben abed an hour ago. Thought ye left me with agreeable company, hey? I should like to know what arthly reason you had to s'pose old Crane was agreeable to me? I always despised the critter; always thought he wuz a turrible fool--and now I'm convinced on't. I'm completely disgusted wit him--and I let him know it to-night. I gin him a piece o' my mind 't I guess he'll be apt to remember for a spell. I ruther think he went off with a flea in his ear. Why, Cappen--did ye ever hear of such a piece of audacity in all yer born days? for _him_--_Tim Crane_--to durst to expire to my hand--the widder o' Deacon Bedott, jest as if _I'd_ condescen' to look at _him_--the old numbskull! He don't know B from a broomstick; but if he'd a-stayed much longer I'd a-teached him the difference, I guess. He's got his _walkin' ticket_ now--I hope he'll lemme alone in futur. And where's Kier? Gun hum with the Cranes, hey! Well, I guess it's the last time. And now, Melissy Bedott, you ain't to have nothin' more to dew with them gals--d'ye hear? You ain't to 'sociate with 'em at all arter this--twould only be incurridgin' th' old man to come a-pesterin' me agin--and I won't have him round--d'ye hear? Don't be in a hurry, Cappen--and don't be alarmed at my gittin' in such passion about old Crane's presumption. Mabby you think 'twas onfeelin' in me to use him so--an' I don't say but what