Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
General
Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
American wit and humor
"Long may it wave!" said Harry.
With other remarks of a like genial nature; while there they sat, the
two--my uncle on one side, long, lathy, self-satisfied, gesticulating,
earnestly laying his case before a grave jury of one, whom he was bound
to convince, if time would allow; my little Jew facing him, upright in
his chair, stiff, imperturbable, devoted to business, honorably earning
his money, the nose in the air, immovable, except when it played duly
up and down at fitting intervals; in which edifying employment I left
them and went about my business, a cheerier man.
Ah, what a relief it was to feel myself free for a season from the
attacks of the enemy--to know that my plucky little Iron-clad was
engaging him! In an hour I passed through the hall again, heard the
loud, blatant voice still discoursing (it had got as far as the
difficulties with the second parish), and saw the unflinching nasal
organ perform its graceful seesaw of assent. An hour later it was the
same--except that the speaker had arrived at the persecutions which
drove him from parish number three. When I went to call them to dinner,
the scene had changed a little, for now the old gentleman, pounding
the table for a pulpit, was reading aloud passages from a powerful
farewell sermon preached to his ungrateful parishioners. I was sorry I
couldn't give my man a hint to use his handkerchief at the affecting
periods, for the nose can hardly be called a sympathetic feature
(unless, indeed, you blow it), and these nods were becoming rather
too mechanical, except when the old gentleman switched off on the
argumentative track, as he frequently did. "What think you of that?" he
would pause in his reading to inquire. "Isn't that logic? Isn't that
unanswerable?" In responding to which appeals nobody could have done
better than my serious, my devoted, my lovely little Jew.
"Dinner!" I shouted over my uncle's dickey. It was almost the only
word that had the magic in it to rouse him from the feast of reason
which his own conversation was to him. It was always easy to head him
toward the dining-room--to steer him into port for necessary supplies.
The little Iron-clad followed in his wake. At table the old gentleman
resumed the account of his dealings with parish number three, and got
on as far as negotiations with number four; occasionally stopping to
eat his soup or roast beef very fast; at which time Jacob Menzel, who
was very much absorbed in his dinner, but never permitted himself to
neglect business for pleasure, paused at the proper intervals, with his
spoon or fork half-way to his mouth, and nodded--just as if my uncle
had been speaking--yielding assent to his last remarks after mature
consideration, no doubt the old gentleman thought.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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