The average American at home or abroad does not take kindly to anything that would seem to cast the shadow of a shade upon his native land. A story told one evening at the Richmond Avenue Methodist Episcopal Church by the Rev. George W. Peck might be cited in illustration. An Englishman was traveling through Italy with an American friend, and in the course of their sojournings each maintained the superiority of his own country. Finally, the grand spectacle of Mount Vesuvius in eruption, throwing its brilliant rays across the Bay of Naples, burst upon their astonished gaze. "Now, look at that," chuckled the Englishman; "you haven't got anything in America that can come anywhere near that." "No," moodily replied the Yankee. "It is true we have not got a Vesuvius, but we have got a waterfall that could put that thing out in less than five minutes." * * * * * An Illinois paper has the following: "The funeral services of the late William P. Lewis were somewhat hurried to enable his estimable and grief-stricken widow to catch the two o'clock train for Chicago, where she goes to visit friends." * * * * * "Fellow-citizens," said the candidate, "I have fought against the Indians. I have often had no bed but the battle-field, and no canopy but the sky. I have marched over the frozen ground till every step has been marked with blood." His story told well, till a dried-up looking voter came to the front. "Did yer say yer'd fought for the Union?" "Yes," replied the candidate. "And agin the Indians?" "Yes, many a time." "And that you had slept on the ground with only the sky for a kiver?" "Certainly." "And that your feet bled in marching over the frozen ground?" "That they did," cried the exultant candidate. "Then I'll be darned if you hain't done enough for your country. Go home and rest. I'll vote for the other fellow." * * * * * Mrs. L---- had often told Mamie, her four-year-old daughter, that she was never alone, because God was always with her. One day Mrs. L---- was called from the room and left Mamie for a longer time than she expected. When she came back she said pityingly: "Why, Mamie, have you been here alone all the time? I thought some one would come in." "Oh, I haven't been alone, mamma," Mamie answered, "because God has been with me; but," she added, gravely, "he's _dretful_ poor company."