English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
My Uncle Spencer listened in the darkness to the Dravidian’s
incomprehensible chattering; and all at once, with a shudder, with
a sense of terror he felt--in the presence of this man of another
race, speaking in an unknown tongue words uttered out of obscure
depths for no man’s hearing and which even his own soul did not
hear or understand--he felt unutterably alone. He was imprisoned
within himself. He was an island surrounded on every side by wide
and bottomless solitudes. And while the Indian chattered away, now
softly, persuasively, cajolingly, now with bursts of anger, now loudly
laughing, he thought of all the millions and millions of men and women
in the world--all alone, all solitary and confined. He thought of
friends, incomprehensible to one another and opaque after a lifetime
of companionship; he thought of lovers remote in one another’s arms.
And the hopelessness of his passion revealed itself to him--the
hopelessness of every passion, since every passion aims at attaining
to what, in the nature of things, is unattainable: the fusion and
interpenetration of two lives, two separate histories, two solitary and
for ever sundered individualities.
The Indian roared with laughter.
But the unattainableness of a thing was never a reason for ceasing to
desire it. On the contrary, it tends to increase and even to create
desire. Thus our love for those we know, and our longing to be with
them, are often increased by their death. And the impossibility of ever
communicating with him again will actually create out of indifference
an affection, a respect and esteem for some one whose company in
life seemed rather tedious than desirable. So, for the lover, the
realisation that what he desires is unattainable, and that every
possession will reveal yet vaster tracts of what is unpossessed and
unpossessable, is not a deterrent, is not an antidote to his passion;
but serves rather to exacerbate his desire, sharpening it to a kind of
desperation, and at the same time making the object of his desire seem
more than ever precious.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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