London Lavender : $b An entertainmentLucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
General
London Lavender : $b An entertainment
Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
Humorous stories; London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"'You forget,' said I, 'that I have a five-pound note in my pocket
intended as our joint tip to old Rice.' (Rice was Regan's butler.)
'Lucky we decided to put it aside.'
"'Yes,' said Glenister, 'but that's the butler's.'
"'Not till to-morrow,' said I.
"'No,' said Bradley, 'not till to-morrow.'
"'But hang it all,' said Glenister, who was a precisian and adored
his conscience, 'where are we if we put it on this horse and the
beggar loses? I know these dead certs. It won't be Rice's
to-morrow, then, will it? To my mind it's his now, and we ought to
respect his ownership. It was to make sure of his having it that we
gave it to the Goat to keep.'
"I was the Goat. How funny to think of it now! I haven't been
called the Goat for hundreds of years."
"O father," said Ann, "may I call you the Goat?"
"Certainly not," said the Knight. "I admitted that Glenister was
logical," he continued, "'but all the same,' I said, 'here's a
straight tip, and it's a sin not to use it. One doesn't often get
them, and to start a whole menagerie of sophistries in return is the
kind of ingratitude that providence doesn't soon forgive.'
"'Of course,' said Bradley. 'The Goat's right. And, after all,
there's no sense in being so infernally conscientious. A gamble's a
gamble, and old Rice would be almost as pleased to hear that we had
put his fiver on a horse as to have it shoved into his hand.'
"Glenister laughed. 'I say no more,' he said. 'You do what you like
with the fiver. Personally, I shall have ten shillings on Blackadder
to win, although why on earth we all swallow that soldier man's
advice so unquestioningly I shall never understand.'
"'If the Goat will lend me two pounds,' said Bradley, 'I will back
Blackadder for a pound each way.'
"'The Goat won't,' said I. 'All that the Goat proposes to do is to
put the butler's fiver on to win.'
"This, later, I did, having found a bookmaker who was giving 10 to 1;
and, true to Captain O'Driscoll's word, Blackadder romped in an easy
winner.
"I collected the eleven rustling five-pound notes and stowed them
carefully away inside my coat, and in the late afternoon we drove
back. Naturally we had a good deal to say about the racing, our
fortunate meeting with O'Driscoll, and so forth. And then suddenly
Glenister remarked, 'I wonder what the old boy will do with it? Set
up as a small tobacconist in Dublin, do you think?'
"'What old boy?' I asked.
"'Why, Rice, of course.'
"'You can't set up as a small tobacconist on five pounds,' said
Bradley. 'At least, if you did, you'd be so small a tobacconist that
your customers would want a microscope.'
"'Don't be an idiot,' said Glenister. 'He'll have fifty-five pounds,
won't he?'
"Bradley and I were silent. This was a proposition that needed
thought.
"'I don't see why he should have more than the fiver,' I said at
last. 'It was all we were going to give him, wasn't it? You will
admit that?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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