London's Heart: A NovelFarjeon, B. L. (Benjamin Leopold)
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London's Heart: A Novel
Farjeon, B. L. (Benjamin Leopold)
London (England) -- Fiction
They spoke of Felix's prospects. He had found by this time that the
world he had come into London to conquer was not so easy to open as
the time-honoured oyster. He had smiled often to himself since his
boast to Martha, and had said, "What arrogance!" But he was mistaken.
It was not arrogance. When he said to Martha Day that the world was
before him for him to open, and, asking where his oyster-knife was,
had tapped his forehead and said it was there, he had spoken, not out
of arrogance, but out of the over-confidence of youth. He had not long
been in London before he discovered his mistake. He became humbled in
the contemplation of the greatness of his oyster and the littleness of
himself, and he set modestly, humbly to work upon the very lowest rung
of the ladder, not daring to hope to rise very high. There came to him
this feeling, of which he never lost sight: "I shall be content," he
said to himself, "if I can become one of the common workers in the
world, and if I can find some channel in which, by the exercise of
all my energy, of all the talent which I may possess, I am able to
earn my living." He did not desire much; it was no boast when he said
to himself that he would be content with very little; his wants were
small, and he had within him the capacity to enjoy. He took his
enjoyments modestly; went now and again to the pit of the theatre, and
(out of his gratefulness for small blessings) obtained more than his
money's worth. When he could not afford the pit he went to the
gallery, and would not have been ashamed to be seen there by any of
his former friends. At one time his funds were very low, so low,
indeed, that he could not afford a dinner; so, apples being in, he
lived upon bread-and-apples and cold water, and made merry over his
fare. He told no one, and he was not in the least to be pitied; he was
learning life's lessons, and was bearing reverses bravely, without
repining and without self-exaltation. He tried the usual resources of
helplessness; he could draw and paint indifferently well, and one day
(just before his bread-and-apple fare commenced) he almost ruined
himself by laying-in a stock of cardboard and crayons. In a few days
he had two sketches ready, of which he thought so highly that he said,
as he surveyed them, "Upon my word, I don't think I'll part with
them." But he laughed at his vanity the next moment, and out he went
to sell them, and came back with them under his arm. No one would buy
them. He tried again the next day, and the next, and the best result
that he could obtain was that a shopkeeper offered to put them in his
window, and to divide the proceeds with him, supposing they were sold.
Felix agreed readily enough, put a low price upon them, and went round
every day to look at them in the window. He did not dare to enter the
shop. "The shopkeeper might ask me for storage expenses," he said with
a laugh. Then came the bread-and-apple time; and one day, longing for
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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