================================================================== DON'T GO TO CHURCH--Have one of our kinetophones placed in your house; connects with all leading churches; you can shut off sermon whenever you wish. LONG DISTANCE RELIGIOUS COMPANY; factories in Denver and Brooklyn. ------------------------------------------------------------------ GENTLEMEN--Buy our Breath Deodorizer; fumes of Bourbon, old rye and lager removed instantaneously: splendid thing for those contemplating attending evening parties or the theater. ------------------------------------------------------------------ LADIES, READ THIS--Cinderella Shoes will make a No. 6 foot that requires an E last look like a narrow No. 1; comfortable and durable; each pair has a patent hypnotizing attachment that deceives even the most envious and spiteful women who catch a glimpse of the shoes when worn. ------------------------------------------------------------------ NO HOUSEHOLD COMPLETE WITHOUT ONE--We absolutely guarantee that our Electric Equalizer will dissipate any domestic storm and insure harmony in families; so simple that a child can operate one; so delicate in adjustment that the first angry word sets free a soothing magnetic current; for sale by every drug store and dry goods shop. Manufactured by the Anti-Divorce Mercantile Company. ================================================================== It is not to be supposed that farming, the greatest of all American industries, had not [Farm Hands at a Discount.] made any progress during the twentieth century. Probably in no other field of labor was electricity employed to better advantage. Farm hands in the nineteenth century were as unreliable in some cases as balky horses. The farm owner's distress and nightmare in 1899 was the farm laborer. But in 1999 the "farm hand" was practically done away with. Horses and farm laborers were no longer employed in the cultivation of the land. Electricity was on tap in every part of the farm. Even the milking and stable cleaning was done by mechanical means. In 1899 a farmer who hired all his work done and lived along comfortably on the proceeds [The Dignity of Labor.] of the property, was called by the absurd title of a "gentleman farmer." The farmer who rolls up his sleeves and toils is none the less a gentleman. A gentleman is not always the one who spends a life of leisure and lives on the toil of others. The hard working farmer in many cases proves to be the real gentleman; he dignifies labor and commands the respect of his neighbors.