There was no change in that sky from its state an hour before, except
that perhaps it had lightened a little as the sun climbed higher behind
that impenetrable dusky shroud. Hills, grass, men’s faces--all bore to
the priest’s eyes the look of unreality; they were as things seen in a
dream by eyes that roll with sleep through lids weighted with lead. Even
to other physical senses that unreality was present; and once more he
remembered his dream, thankful that that horror at least was absent. But
silence seemed other than a negation of sound, it was a thing in itself,
an affirmation, unruffled by the sound of footsteps, the thin barking of
dogs, the murmur of voices. It appeared as if the stillness of eternity
had descended and embraced the world’s activities, and as if that world,
in a desperate attempt to assert its own reality, was braced in a set,
motionless, noiseless, breathless effort to hold itself in being. What
Silvester had said just now was beginning to be true of this man also.
The touch of the powdery soil and the warm pebbles beneath the priest’s
bare feet seemed something apart from the consciousness that usually
regards the things of sense as more real and more intimate than the
things of spirit. Matter still had a reality, still occupied space, but
it was of a subjective nature, the result of internal rather than
external powers. He appeared to himself already to be scarcely more than
a soul, intent and steady, united by a thread only to the body and the
world with which he was yet in relations. He knew that the appalling
heat was there; once even, before his eyes a patch of beaten ground
cracked and lisped as water that touches hot iron, as he trod upon it.
He could feel the heat upon his forehead and hands, his whole body was
swathed and soaked in it; yet he regarded it as from an outside
standpoint, as a man with neuritis perceives that the pain is no longer
in his hand but in the pillow which supports it. So, too, with what his
eyes looked upon and his ears heard; so, too, with that faint bitter
taste that lay upon his lips and nostrils. There was no longer in him
fear or even hope--he regarded himself, the world, and even the
enshrouding and awful Presence of spirit as facts with which he had but
little to do. He was scarcely even interested; still less was he
distressed. There was Thabor before him--at least what once had been
Thabor, now it was no more than a huge and dusky dome-shape which
impressed itself upon his retina and informed his passive brain of its
existence and outline, though that existence seemed no better than that
of a dissolving phantom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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