'It can never, never be,' she murmured to herself alone: 'Who am I, to
dream of it? Something in my heart tells me it can be so never, never.'
CHAPTER XXXIV
TWO NEGATIVES MAKE AN AFFIRMATIVE
There was, however, no possibility of depressing me at such a time. To
be loved by Lorna, the sweet, the pure, the playful one, the fairest
creature on God's earth and the most enchanting, the lady of high birth
and mind; that I, a mere clumsy, blundering yeoman, without wit, or
wealth, or lineage, should have won that loving heart to be my own for
ever, was a thought no fears could lessen, and no chance could steal
from me.
Therefore at her own entreaty taking a very quick adieu, and by her own
invitation an exceeding kind one, I hurried home with deep exulting, yet
some sad misgivings, for Lorna had made me promise now to tell my mother
everything; as indeed I always meant to do, when my suit should be gone
too far to stop. I knew, of course, that my dear mother would be greatly
moved and vexed, the heirship of Glen Doone not being a very desirable
dower, but in spite of that, and all disappointment as to little Ruth
Huckaback, feeling my mother's tenderness and deep affection to me, and
forgiving nature, I doubted not that before very long she would view the
matter as I did. Moreover, I felt that if once I could get her only to
look at Lorna, she would so love and glory in her, that I should obtain
all praise and thanks, perchance without deserving them.
Unluckily for my designs, who should be sitting down at breakfast with
my mother and the rest but Squire Faggus, as everybody now began to
entitle him. I noticed something odd about him, something uncomfortable
in his manner, and a lack of that ease and humour which had been wont to
distinguish him. He took his breakfast as it came, without a single
joke about it, or preference of this to that; but with sly soft looks
at Annie, who seemed unable to sit quiet, or to look at any one
steadfastly. I feared in my heart what was coming on, and felt truly
sorry for poor mother. After breakfast it became my duty to see to the
ploughing of a barley-stubble ready for the sowing of a French grass,
and I asked Tom Faggus to come with me, but he refused, and I knew the
reason. Being resolved to allow him fair field to himself, though with
great displeasure that a man of such illegal repute should marry into
our family, which had always been counted so honest, I carried my dinner
upon my back, and spent the whole day with the furrows.
When I returned, Squire Faggus was gone; which appeared to me but
a sorry sign, inasmuch as if mother had taken kindly to him and his
intentions, she would surely have made him remain awhile to celebrate
the occasion. And presently no doubt was left: for Lizzie came running
to meet me, at the bottom of the woodrick, and cried,--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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