Lost Lenore: The Adventures of a Rolling StoneReid, Mayne
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Lost Lenore: The Adventures of a Rolling Stone
Reid, Mayne
Adventure stories; Dime novels; Fiction
My arrival was not noticed by any member of the family. They were
up-stairs, and I saw none of them; but from one of their guests, I
obtained the details of the sad story. I was indeed, as Jessie had said
in her letter, _too late_!
A few minutes before my arrival, she had been found dead in her
dressing-room--with a bottle of prussic acid by her side!
I rushed back into the cab; and ordered the driver to take me home
again. I was too much unmanned, to remain a minute longer in that house
of woe.
I had suffered great mental agony on many previous occasions. When
alone, with the body of my companion Hiram--whom I had neglected when on
the "prospecting" expedition in California--my thoughts had been far
from pleasant. They were not agreeable when I saw my friend, Richard
Guinane, by his own act fall a corpse before my face. Great was the
pain I felt, when standing by the side of poor Stormy Jack, and looking
upon his last agonies. So was it, when my mother left me; but all
these--even the grief I felt when told that Lenore was married, were
nothing to the anguish I experienced, while riding home through the
crowded streets of London, and trying to realise the awful reality that
Jessie H--had committed suicide. A heart that but an hour ago had been
throbbing with warm love--and that love for me--was now cold and still.
A pure spirit, altogether devoted to me, had passed suddenly away--
passed into eternity with a prayer upon her righteous lips; and that
prayer for myself!
My anguish at her untimely end, was mingled with the fires of regret. I
submitted my conscience to a strict self-examination. Had I ever
deceived her, by pretending a love I did not feel? Was I, in any way,
to blame for the sin she had committed? Did I, in any way, lead her to
that act of self-destruction? Could her parents, in the agony of their
grief, reproach me for anything?
These questions haunted me all that night; and I slept not. I even
endeavoured to remember something in my conduct, which had been wrong.
But I could not: for I had never talked to _her_ of love. In all, that
had passed between us, I had been true to Lenore.
In the voyage of her life, her hopes, as well as her existence, had been
wrecked upon me; but I was no more to blame than the rock, unmarked on
map or chart, against which some noble ship has been dashed to pieces.
In that sad letter, Jessie had expressed a hope that I would think of
her, and believe her only guilty of the crime of having loved me too
well.
That wish died with her; but obedience to it, still lives with me.
When I returned home, on the day of her death, I locked myself in my
chamber; and read that letter over and over again. No thoughts--not
even of Lenore--could keep the rain of sorrow from dimming my eyes, and
drowning my cheeks.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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