The time during which Theodora had been his companion was the happiest
period of his life. It was more than that; he could conceive no felicity
greater, and all that he desired was that it should endure. Since they
first met, scarcely four-and-twenty hours had passed without his being
in her presence; and now, notwithstanding the novelty and the variety of
the objects around him and the vast, and urgent, and personal interest
which they involve he felt a want which meeting her, or the daily
prospect of meeting her, could alone supply. Her voice lingered in his
ear; he gazed upon a countenance invisible to others; and he scarcely
saw or did any thing without almost unconsciously associating with it
her opinion or approbation.
Well, then, the spell was complete. The fitfulness or melancholy which
so often is the doom of youth, however otherwise favored, who do not
love, was not the condition, capricious or desponding, of Lothair. In
him combined all the accidents and feelings which enchant existence.
He had been rambling in the solitudes of his park, and had thrown
himself on the green shadow of a stately tree, his cheek resting on his
arm, and lost in reverie amid the deep and sultry silence. Wealthy and
young, noble and full of noble thoughts, with the inspiration of health,
surrounded by the beautiful, and his heart softened by feelings as
exquisite, Lothair, nevertheless, could not refrain from pondering over
the mystery of that life which seemed destined to bring to him only
delight.
“Life would be perfect,” he at length exclaimed, “if it would only
last.” But it will not last; and what then? He could not reconcile
interest in this life with the conviction of another, and an eternal
one. It seemed to him that, with such a conviction, man could have only
one thought and one occupation—the future, and preparation for it. With
such a conviction, what they called reality appeared to him more vain
and nebulous than the scones and sights of sleep. And he had that
conviction; at least he had it once. Had he it now? Yes; he had it now,
but modified, perhaps, in detail. He was not so confident as he was a
few months ago, that he could be ushered by a Jesuit from his deathbed
to the society of St. Michael and all the angels. There might be long
processes of initiation—intermediate states of higher probation and
refinement. There might be a horrible and apathetic pause. When millions
of ages appeared to be necessary to mature the crust of a rather
insignificant planet, it might be presumption in man to assume that his
soul, though immortal, was to reach its final destination regardless of
all the influences of space and time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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