England -- Social life and customs -- 18th century -- Fiction; Epistolary fiction; Essays
Why should this last disappointment hang so heavily on my spirits? Why
should I feel it more, why should it wound me deeper than those I have
experienced before? Can it be that I have a greater affection for
Willoughby than I had for his amiable predecessors? Or is it that our
feelings become more acute from being often wounded? I must suppose my
dear Belle that this is the Case, since I am not conscious of being
more sincerely attached to Willoughby than I was to Neville, Fitzowen,
or either of the Crawfords, for all of whom I once felt the most
lasting affection that ever warmed a Woman’s heart. Tell me then dear
Belle why I still sigh when I think of the faithless Edward, or why I
weep when I behold his Bride, for too surely this is the case—. My
Freinds are all alarmed for me; They fear my declining health; they
lament my want of spirits; they dread the effects of both. In hopes of
releiving my melancholy, by directing my thoughts to other objects,
they have invited several of their freinds to spend the Christmas with
us. Lady Bridget Darkwood and her sister-in-law, Miss Jane are expected
on Friday; and Colonel Seaton’s family will be with us next week. This
is all most kindly meant by my Uncle and Cousins; but what can the
presence of a dozen indefferent people do to me, but weary and distress
me—. I will not finish my Letter till some of our Visitors are arrived.
Friday Evening Lady Bridget came this morning, and with her, her sweet
sister Miss Jane—. Although I have been acquainted with this charming
Woman above fifteen Years, yet I never before observed how lovely she
is. She is now about 35, and in spite of sickness, sorrow and Time is
more blooming than I ever saw a Girl of 17. I was delighted with her,
the moment she entered the house, and she appeared equally pleased with
me, attaching herself to me during the remainder of the day. There is
something so sweet, so mild in her Countenance, that she seems more
than Mortal. Her Conversation is as bewitching as her appearance; I
could not help telling her how much she engaged my admiration—. “Oh!
Miss Jane (said I)—and stopped from an inability at the moment of
expressing myself as I could wish—Oh! Miss Jane—(I repeated)—I could
not think of words to suit my feelings—She seemed waiting for my
speech—. I was confused—distressed—my thoughts were bewildered—and I
could only add—“How do you do?” She saw and felt for my Embarrassment
and with admirable presence of mind releived me from it by saying—“My
dear Sophia be not uneasy at having exposed yourself—I will turn the
Conversation without appearing to notice it. “Oh! how I loved her for
her kindness!” Do you ride as much as you used to do?” said she—. “I am
advised to ride by my Physician. We have delightful Rides round us, I
have a Charming horse, am uncommonly fond of the Amusement, replied I
quite recovered from my Confusion, and in short I ride a great deal.”
“You are in the right my Love,” said she. Then repeating the following
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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